


The Hamilton System

by Mafalda_Fan_183



Category: Hamilton - Fandom, Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Adoption, Child Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Dissociation, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, M/M, Multiple Personalities, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Self-Harm, Therapy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:48:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 41
Words: 28,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25700881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mafalda_Fan_183/pseuds/Mafalda_Fan_183
Summary: Alexander has Dissociative Identity Disorder formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder. Their system is called "the Hamilton" system.System roles:Alex - hostLafayette - Primary protector/Trauma holderGeorge - GatekeeperHercules - Sexual protector/Trauma holderEliza - CaregiverAaron - Persecutor in reform/Protector/Trauma holderThomas - Main Persecutor/Trauma holderPhilip - LittleTheodosa - Little/Trauma holderThis fic takes place in modern times. Alexander and John Laurens, aka Jack, are roommates in college.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens
Comments: 303
Kudos: 431





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I do not know much about dissociative identity disorder so if I get anything wrong PLEASE tell me in the comments!

Ah, lawschool. This could only be stressful. But, law was the only thing that Jack had any sort of talent in. Anyway, he was supposed to meet his roommate today. Someone called Alex. They had gotten each other's numbers, but they still had yet to really meet.

He found the room and unlocked the door. Was Alex here yet?

“Ah, is that you Jack?” A voice called from inside.

“Yeah.” Jack called back, closing the door. “I take it you’re Alex?”

“That’s me.” Alex stepped into his view. Shoulder length brown hair, brown eyes, a little shorter than Jack.

“Good to meet you.” Jack put out his hand. Alex shook it, albeit with a little hesitation.

“Good to meet you as well.”

Jack rolled his suitcase into the room. Through the sad excuse of a hallway he ended up in the “bedroom” area of the dorm. Time to unpack. 

As he pulled out his clothes and put them into his dresser, he could hear Alex muttering to himself. He only caught every few words, “stop, later, come on”... Huh. Whatever. 

As he was almost finished unpacking, a delicious smell came wafting over. He paused and walked out into the dining/living/kitchen room-area thing the dorm provided.

“Hey, ya Jack! Made some dinner, want some?”

“Oh sure! What is it?”

“Fried rice with shrimp. You’re not allergic to anything, are you?”

“Not that I know of.” Jack shrugged, grabbing down two plates.

“Good!”

“Do you like cooking?” Jack prompted as Alex scooped some rice onto his plate.

Alex shrugged. “When I’m in the right headspace I love it! Otherwise I’ll tolerate cooking.”

“Ah, I get that. I love to draw but I can’t just force it on and off. Sometimes I can draw, other times it’s all awful.”

Alex smiled, taking some food for himself. “You’ll have to show me some of your drawings some time.”

“I would love to.” Jack said as he and Alex took seats at the tiny table.

…

“His name is Jack, make sure everyone knows, Lafayette.” Alex said aloud to the empty dorm as he unpacked his things.

“Sure thing.” Lafayette replied internally. More like hearing someone’s thoughts than anything else.

“I’m sure we will all get along with him.” Eliza encouraged.

“If not we are able to apply for a new roommate.” Lafayette shrugged.

Alex rolled his eyes. “Of course you would know that.”

“Make sure you keep everything organized.” Eliza reminded.

“Care to come out here and do it?” Alex joked. 

“You seem to be managing just fine.”

“Uh huh.” Alex smiled.

Once he had finished unpacking he laid back on his bed. “Thanks for all your help, guys.”

“No problem.”

“Sure thing.” 

Alex rolled his eyes. He jumped when the door opened.

“It’s probably just Jack.” Lafayette soothed.

“You’re probably right. I should greet him.” Alex stood and made his way to the door.“Ah, is that you Jack?”

“Yeah.” Jack called back, closing the door. “I take it you’re Alex?”

“That’s me.” Alex snickered at his own joke. It was Alex, for now.

Hercules came barging to the front. “Oo, he’s a cutie.” He said. 

Quiet, Hercules! Alex thought back. Ah, well, while he unpacks I might as well cook.

“What’s for dinner?”

Jack seemed far enough away for Alex to whisper aloud. “I was thinking fried rice with shrimp.”

“Sounds good! I’ll cook!”

“Stop it, Hurc.” Alex mumbled.

“Oh come on, you know I love cooking! You don’t even like it!”

“Later. It’s probably best if I stay out for the day.”

“Jack will never know! I can totally pretend to be you!”

“Come on, you’re out of practice and-”

“Dr. Miranda says that we are all entitled to time in the body.”

Alex sighed. “Fine” And they switched. “You better not embarrass us.”

…

“Hey, ya Jack! Made some dinner, want some?”

“I don’t talk like that, Hercules!”

‘He hardly knows you.” Hercules thought back.

“Oh sure! What is it?” Jack smiled.

“Fried rice with shrimp. You’re not allergic to anything, are you?”

“We probably should have checked that earlier.”

“Thanks for the insite, Laf.” Alex laughed.

“Not that I know of.” Jack shrugged, grabbing down two plates.

“Good!”

“Do you like cooking?” Jack prompted as Hercules scooped some rice onto his plate.

Hercules shrugged. “When I’m in the right headspace I love it! Otherwise I’ll tolerate cooking.” 

Alex laughed so hard Hercules almost couldn’t hear Jack’s response.

“Ah, I get that. I love to draw but I can’t just force it on and off. Sometimes I can draw, other times it’s all awful.”

Ah, not in the way we do. Herc thought. But hey, it’s probably for the best he missed that joke. It was not time to tell him. If they ever told him. They probably wouldn’t. 

Herc smiled, taking some food for himself. “You’ll have to show me some of your drawings some time.”

“I would love to.” Jack said as he and Herc took seats at the tiny table.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not know much about dissociative identity disorder so if I get anything wrong PLEASE tell me in the comments!

Alex awoke, conveniently in control. Day one of school! Man, just a couple of years ago this seemed impossible. Once he found out about his DID he thought he would have to be on disability or something for the rest of his life. Turns out you can live a perfectly happy life with alters, it takes a LOT of therapy and communication, but they could! Alex, being the host of the Hamilton System, decided that it’d be best for them to go to school and get a high end well paying job so that he and his alters could live in comfort. Besides, he always wanted to be a lawyer.

Anyway, he dressed himself and left the dorm. It wasn’t a far walk to class, really. Nonetheless he was proud to have gotten this far in life. 

Ah, nothing could ruin this day.

Except, maybe, that young boy skateboarding to wherever. Probably to school, just passing by the college, looks like he’s hardly a teenager. He got Alex’s attention when he fell loudly and scraped across the pavement of the sidewalk for a few feet.

Before Alex was totally aware of what was happening, he was moving towards the young kid. He was co-conscious for a few moments before being thrown back into the inner world. An oddly quick switch, but then he recognized the alter that took over, Eliza.

He and Eliza were close. It is common for systems to have all types of relations, including romantic love between alters. He and Eliza were very much like that, but he didn’t want to consider themselves married because he wanted to have an external family and external spouse. He loved her regardless, and they would often spend hours together at night just talking about anything and everything.

Switches tended to be easier between alters that were close with one another. 

“Are you okay?” Eliza asked.

Alex, watching from the inner world, was surprised at her voice. Sure, it was higher and more gentle than the body’s default voice, but it sounded nothing like her voice in the headspace.

Eliza helped the boy up. 

“Yeah, I’m okay.” He replied, voice shaking a little.

Eliza brushed the first from his shirt. “It’s good you were wearing your helmet. Be careful okay?”

The boy nodded. “Thank you, sir.”

Eliza smiled and waved as the boy walked off down the street, then suddenly spoke. “Ph, shoot! Sorry Alex, I didn’t mean-”

“It’s fine.” Alex replied. “It happens. Think you can get us to class?”

“Oh sure, uhh-” She opened the side bag that Alex had put on that morning. “We have a map on us, right?”

“Yeah. Imagine how much trouble I would be in with Lafayette if I didn’t pack one.”

Eliza giggled. “That’s true.” She pulled out the campus map and reached for the schedule notebook when Alext stopped her.

“It’s room C. I remember.” 

“Oh, good.” Eliza replied, closing the bag. She unfolded the map. “Uh, where are we?”

“Not too far from dorm building L.”

She looked at the map for a moment then looked up. “Oh, Okay.” She looked back at the map. “Yeah I can get us to class.” And she began to walk.

…

Eliza entered the classroom. There were a few students there, too many to comfortably speak out loud to Alex, so she tried to think loudly at him. It usually worked, especially since she and Alex were so close. ‘Where should I sit?’

“Second row, in the middle.”

‘Okay.’ Eliza sat down and took off the bag. A random young man, about the same age as the body, sat next to her.

“Hey. I’m Charlie.” He offered her a hand.

She shook the hand and smiled at him. “Alex.” She said in a notably deeper voice.

“Nice to meet you, Alex.”

“Nice to meet you too.”

Charlie then started pulling things from his bag.

‘Think you can switch with me again?’

“Yeah.”

They began to dissociate.

By the time Alex came to, the professor was already in the room. Shoot, hopefully he didn’t miss anything.

The professor introduced himself. Ah, good. Not much time was lost.

…

Eliza was pushed back into the inner world.

“What was it?” George, a large african-american man, asked.

Eliza smoothed out her blue dress. In the inner world she looked like a slightly tanned woman with long black hair. “A kid fell.”

“Ah, did you get the body to class or is Alex late?”

Eliza scoffed jokingly. “Do you think I couldn’t?”

George rolled his eyes fondly. “I guess that was a dumb question.”

“And yes. I did, thank you very much.”

“Alright, alright.” George smiled.

Eliza walked past him. The inner world was like those old camps that people would set up during war times, specifically during the revolutionary war. No one quite knew why the inner world had taken on this appearance, but it didn’t matter much to Eliza, you see where every other alter had a tent she and the two littles, Philip and Theodosa, lived in a house on the other side of the camp, each with their own room. 

Each tent was spacious, sure, but they were still tents. That was no place for a lady or for little children. At least, in her opinion. Besides, there was no reason she couldn't live in a house. It’s not like any of this was physical It could be whatever she wanted it to be, maybe. Probably. After all, how did that house get there if she hadn’t willed it into being?

Whatever, the way the inner world worked was so confusing. Eliza found it best not to think about it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not know much about dissociative identity disorder so if I get anything wrong PLEASE tell me in the comments!

“Anything interesting happen at school ?” Jack asked from his place at his desk, drawing or something.

‘Well, someone fell and Eliza fronted but we were able to switch back before the first class started’ Alex thought. “Not really. You?” He said instead.

“Every teacher read the school rules for us.”

“Oof, brutal.” 

“Yeah. I get they’re all supposed to, but like, geez.”

Alex laughed. “I guess you got a lot of rule followers for teachers, huh?”

“Guess so.” Jack grumbled.

Alex flopped down on his bed. “I think I’m just gonna relax for a while.”

“Alright.” Jack shrugged.

...

When the body awoke, Lafayette was shocked to find himself in control. He immediately went into defensive mode, surveying the area for anything that could have triggered him while the body was sleeping. Of course, sometimes they just switched, but “You can never be too careful” was basically Lafayette’s life motto.

Nothing. Okay, good. Jack had fallen asleep on his desk, drooling on whatever he was working on. Laf moved the papers out from under his head, careful not to disturb their sleeping roommate. He stacked the papers neatly next to him and walked off. 

First, he checked the time. Midnight. They had class in the morning, so he should really put the body back to sleep, but first he would check out the place. He had seen it in passing, whenever he was near the front he got glimpses of the outside world but that wasn’t anything like exploring it himself.

Next he checked the window. How big was it? Did it lock? Did Alex remember to lock it? They were on the second floor, but it would only take a relatively small ladder to get to the room. Locked. Good.

He then checked the door. That was locked as well. He unlocked it and checked the screws. All were tight and didn’t seem to be easily broken. He re-locked the door and did the chain lock for extra safety. 

The stove burners were off, and the fridge was closed. It all seemed fine. There wasn’t a fire escape which concerned him, maybe he could convince the others to invest in one of those roll out ladders, just in case. Now wasn’t the time for that, though. Besides, everyone else was asleep. He could even hear Hercules' snoring. 

Time for the body to rest.

…

Alex woke up before his alarm, feeling hungry. He checked the time, seven in the morning. It wouldn’t be too long before he had to get up for class anyway. He got up and turned the alarm off on his phone. Stretching, he walked to the kitchen. Might as well cook breakfast since he had the time. 

It wasn’t anything special, just eggs. Scrambled eggs. The only kind he really knew how to make. Cooking was more of Hercules’ thing, but judging by the snoring he could hear he wasn’t gonna front to help.

He brewed himself some coffee and opened the door. It hardly opened. Confused Alex looked around and noticed that the chain lock had been done. Weird, it wasn’t done yesterday so it seems unlikely that Jack did it- Oh. Lafayette must have fronted in the night. Ah, well, whatever. If anything important happened it would be written in the journal. He’d check that later. Time for class.

…

When Jack awoke he noticed that his papers had been moved. Ah, must have been Alex. That was nice of him. He sat up and stretched. His back cracked, sleeping at his desk was probably not a good idea. 

He checked the time, nine. Good thing he didn’t have any classes until the afternoon today. In the meantime, he’d draw.

…

Once Alex was seated for his second class of the day, he decided to check the journal. HHe flipped through, turning back a page when he ended up on a blank sheet. Nothing new, the last note was from Hercules; We know Jack likes to draw. Gotta keep up the facade that there is only one person in this body.

It was hard to tell people about their system. People thought that there was a murderer or something in their system or that people with DID were unable to lead normal lives. It was terrifying telling people, you never knew how they would react. In other words; it wasn’t safe.

That’s what the system was for, to keep the body safe. To survive. Now that Alex was in a safe situation, it was less of a survival mechanism and more of a reality. But hey, he was the host. It felt like others were taking parts of his life, parts of his mind, but those parts were the reason that he didn’t have to hold any trauma.

DID is a trauma based disorder, after all.

“Alex?”

Alex looked around the room only to spot Jack, he must have been the one that called. “Oh, hey.” He shut the journal and put it back into his bag.

Jack took the seat next to him. “Thanks for moving my papers.”

“Oh, no problem.” Alex said, hiding his confusion. Must have been Lafayette when he was up during the night.

“I have a bad habit of falling asleep at my desk.” Jack shrugged.

“Oh, that’s gonna bite you one day.”

Jack rubbed his back. “I think it already has.”

Alex snickered. “Enjoying college so far?”

Jack shrugged. “Eh, it’s okay. I have a really good cook for a roommate though.”

“Thanks.” Alex smiled, making a mental note to pass that onto Hercules later.

“We got a while before class. Tell me about yourself.”

“Well, I’m originally from the Caribbean.”

“Oh, that’s neat.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Alex shrugged. “I was adopted, what, eight maybe nine years ago now? And I lived in New York City till now. What about you?”

“South Carolina. Nothing as interesting as your story.”

Interesting was one way to put it. 

They chatted for a while, favorite movie, favorite color, favorite food… At least he was finally getting to know his roommate. 

And, in case you were wondering, the class went fine.

…

Today was tuesday, meaning that it was their visit Dr. Miranda day. Alex carried the journal inside with him, hoping that everything would be calm today.

Dr. Miranda was a small woman, thin and a little frail looking, but she was the only specialist in the state of New York. Alex’s parents would drive an hour to take him to her once a week when they found out about his DID. He’d been seeing her for two years now, and things were getting better.

They had found all alters in the system, they think, and right now she was mainly working with the persecutors. 

“Has Aaron come out at all?”

Alex shook his head. “Neither has Thomas.”

“Do you know how they are doing?”

“Thomas still hasn’t left his tent and Hercules said that Aaron visited him for dinner on Saturday.”

“Good. That sounds like an improvement.”

“Do you think you can reach Aaron?”

Alex paused. “No he’s not near the front, I don’t think.”

“Alright.” Dr. Miranda nodded. “Is anyone near the front right now?”

Alex paused again. “Not really, I think George is the closest.”

Dr Miranda scribbled in her notebook. “Alight. How about you, how have you been? How has college been?”

“Good.” Alex smiled. “It’s all been good.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not know much about dissociative identity disorder so if I get anything wrong PLEASE tell me in the comments!

Wednesday and Thursday went by without much issue. Come Friday, everything was going pretty well. Hercules had to be scolded once or twice for being a bit too flirty with Jack, but Jack didn’t seem to notice.

All and all, everything was good. 

Jack wasn’t a threat and all the alters got along with him fine, so they didn’t feel the need to switch roommates. 

They headed to the store, Hercules’ extensive list of requests narrowed down. Alex pulled the list from his pocket and grabbed a cart.

“I’m gonna make Jack a nice dinner tonight.” Hercules asserted.

Alex rolled his eyes. 

“Herc you can’t flirt with everyone, especially our roommate.” Alex mumbled.

“You guys and your rules.” Hercules complained.

…

Jack had to admit, quietly to himself where no one else could hear, Alex was pretty cute. It was hard for him to tell if Alex thought the same of him, but no matter. It’s best not to get romantically involved with your roommate anyway.

Over time, these feelings would only grow. It was the little things. Like one day when he was having a hard time being so far from home:

Jack sniffled. Alex wasn’t back yet but he could be any minute so it’s best he get over these feelings. 

When Alex opened the door he heard sniffling from the other room. Immediately Eliza dashed to the front.

“Wanna take this?” Alex asked, closing the door.

“Please?” Eliza responded.

Alex began to dissociate.

“Hey Jack.” Eliza said gently as she entered the room.

“Hey Alex.”

“Is everything okay?”

Jack nodded. “Everything is fine.”

“You don’t have to lie to me.” Eliza encouraged.

“I just, I miss home, you know?” He wiped away a tear. “I guess I’m just stressed.”

“Need a hug?”

And ever since then Jack had seemed closer to them. He was more willing to tell them how he felt or what he was thinking, things like that.

Jack was even able to meet George:

George was the system gatekeeper. He rarely came out, preferring to spend time in the headspace guarding who could come out and when. Well, he usually was able to but sometimes people could get past him. 

He found himself in control, something must have triggered him. He looked around, no trigger was obvious. Huh. Whatever. Sometimes things just happen.

Jack was at his desk, drawing by the looks of it. George approached. “What ya drawing?”

“Turtles.” Jack replied. 

“Wow, that’s really good.” George commented. It was a hyper realistic turtle, and it looked like it had taken hours.

“Thank you.”

And George hasn’t really left the inner world since then. He rarely did, but Alex was glad that he was able to meet Jack.

Aside from Alex, Lafayette fronted the most. 

Jack had met him several times. He had a very obvious French accent, but with enough focus he was able to hide it. He preferred not to talk with people that didn’t know about the system since it was so difficult for him to speak like Alex. Lafayette often fronted without obvious reason, and every interaction the two had was pleasant. Now that they were in a safe situation Lafayette, as the primary protector, had very little purpose. He made up for this by protecting in other ways. When Laf fronted he did chores, showered, general caretaking of the body.

Unbeknownst to Jack, Lafayette was probably his favorite. He thought that Alex was doing all these chores, and it was going to be kept that way, but in reality it was Laf.

Regardless, Laf had to get them to Dr. Miranda today. It had been two months since they, or rather Alex, had started college. The office wasn’t far, so Laf decided to walk. Usually they used a rideshare app but since he was in control anyway, the body could probably use the exercise. 

“Okay, what is it?” Laf asked aloud. Alex’s nervous energy was overflowing and officially started making him nervous.

“Oh, it’s nothing.” Alex tried to brush it off.

“Alex, I can feel it. That doesn't feel like nothing.”

“It’s just something I want to specifically bring up with Dr. Miranda today.”

“Oh? Is that why you asked us all to try and be near the front for this session?”

“Yeah…” Alex replied sheepishly.

“Is anyone else there?”

“I am” Replied George.

“You’re always near the front.”

“I made it as well.” Aaron said.

“Thank you both.” Alex responded.

“How about Eliza?” Lafayette questioned.

“Said she’d be here soon, she had to make lunch for the littles.” Alex supplied.

“That’s pretty much everyone then. What about Thomas?”

“Couldn’t get through to him.” Aaron shrugged.

Aaron was the only alter that had the slightest chance of reaching Thomas. If he couldn’t, no one could.

“And Hercules?”

“Present!” Hercules shouted.

“Alright. Why not tell us now, Alex?” Lafayette questioned.

“I’d rather say it with Dr. Miranda present.”

“Wow, it must be a big thing then.” Hercules said.

“It is.” Alex agreed. 

Once they arrived, it was only a short time before Dr. Miranda’s assistant called them in.

At this point, Alex had become co-conscious with Lafayette since he was the one with a big announcement.

“Ah, hello.” Dr. Miranda said when they walked into the room.

“It’s Laf and Alex today.” Lafayette said.

“Ah, welcome. Is there anything that you two wanted to talk about in particular before we get started?”

“I would.” Said Alex, his accent making it clear that he was speaking. He took in a deep breath. “So, I gathered as many alters as I could to the front because we have to talk about something.”

After a pause, Dr. Miranda prompted: “What is that, Alex?”

“I think we should tell Jack about our DID.”

And every alter listening erupted into protest.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not know much about dissociative identity disorder so if I get anything wrong PLEASE tell me in the comments!
> 
> Also, shout out to the systems that have been following this! I appreciate your feedback!

Alex clutched his hands over his ears instinctively, as if that would drown out the shouting within his own head.

Dr. Miranda sat calmly, assuming (correctly) that the alters were unhappy about this.

“Guys! Guys!” George’s voice cut through the roar of voices. “Let’s talk about it, okay? We won’t unless we all agree. Okay?”

All of the alters folded their arms and begrudgingly agreed.

“George is calming them all down.” Alex narrated.

Dr. Miranda nodded and took notes.

“Now, let’s hear why Alex wants this.”

“Thank you George.” Alex said aloud. “I have romantic feelings for Jack, and I know that most of you do as well.”

Dr. Miranda took notes.

“It has only been two months!” Lafayette objected aloud since he was still co-conscious.

“It is not safe.” George pointed out.

“He wouldn’t attack us.” Eliza countered, Alex saying her words aloud for Dr. Miranda.

“No but he could tell people.” Lafayette fired back.

“We can deny it.” Alex said.

“We are good at hiding.” Hercules added.

“And why do you feel the need to tell him?” Dr. Miranda spoke. “I understand that you all are developing feelings, but what does that have to do with telling him about your system?”

“Because I want to pursue a relationship with him.” Alex said, clearly a line he rehearsed. “And he needs to know about all of us for that to work.”

“Sounds good to me.” Hercules shouted.

“Herc, think about this objectively. It is not safe. We do not know him well enough.” Laf said.

“If we told him we can get to know him better and he can know all of you too.”

“Non, Alex.” Lafayette asserted.

“Now Lafayette, please try and keep an open mind. Alex, why do you feel like now is a good time to tell jack?”

“Well, because if we tell him now and he rejects us it won’t be as bad as it would be if we waited until we were really emotionally attached to him.”

“Why should we tell him at all?” Lafayette fired back.

“Wouldn’t it be nice to be yourself all the time?” Alex responded.

Lafayette went quiet.

“Does anyone else have thoughts they would like to share?” Dr. Miranda asked.

“Aaron says he thinks this is a bad idea, but is willing to go along.”

“Okay. So we have a yes from Hercules and Alex, a no from Lafayette, and a maybe from Aaron.”

“Eliza thinks it would be nice to be able to be herself at home.” Alex voiced.

“So that is three yeses.” Dr. Miranda nodded.

Lafayette sighed. “Fine. But when things go south and I have to clean up this mess, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“Thank you, Laf.” Alex said.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The notes at the beginning of this chapter have trigger warnings that double as spoilers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BIG TRIGGER WARNING FOR TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT DID AND (SPOILERS) Not so great reactions
> 
> TW SPOILER #2 - self harm.
> 
> SPOILER NOTE - I, a humble singleton, am going to be attempting to write a persecutor. Usually when singletons write persecutors it does not go well so please, please let me know if anything is wrong!

They were able to reach an agreement- Friday. Friday they would tell Jack. If anything went wrong, they didn’t have anything important to do on Saturday or Sunday so it left them plenty of time to deal with whatever reaction they got. The thing was, they had never really told anyone about their DID before. He was diagnosed about a year or so after being adopted into the US. His new parents put them into therapy just as a precaution since they knew that Alex had been through quite a lot in the Caribbean. 

It took a few months before their therapist realized that something significant was going on, and a few more to realize that they had DID. He immediately referred them to a specialist and informed their parents, who were very supportive. They never had to tell anyone before, and never really wanted to tell people. Over time, they built up their communication and just... Never wanted to tell anyone. They had never met someone who they thought was worth telling before. It was too risky, and no one up until now had been worth the risk. That's part of what made telling Jack so scary; they had no idea what they were doing.

Well, here goes everything.

Jack had scarcely stepped through the door when Alex spoke; “Hey, Jack. Got a minute?”

“Sure.” He shrugged, dropping his backpack. “What’s up?”

“Let’s sit.” Alex said, taking a seat at the little table.

“That serious, huh?” Jack joked sitting in the other cheap, uncomfortable chair.

“I, uh,” Alex stuttered. “I have Dissociative identity disorder.”

“Uh, okay?” Jack replied.

“Sorry,” Alex laughed nervously. “You don’t know what that is. Well, it used to be called multiple personality disorder.”

A pause. Alex swallowed nervously. Jack laughed lightly at the information. After another few moments, Jack’s face went from a slight smile to almost frowning. “Wait, you’re serious?”

Alex nodded shyly. “Yeah, I, uh, I’ll answer any questions you have.”

Jack’s face morphed into fear.

“Jack?”

Jack stood up and backed away slightly.

Alex jumped up from instinct. “Jack, please talk to me.”

A look of panic crossed Jack’s face. “Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“We didn’t know if we could trust you, but now we-”

“I’m sorry-” Jack said and he dashed out of the room.

“Jack please!” Alex yelled, following after him but he was stopped by the apartment door being shut in his face. Alex backed away, tearing up. He then felt something he hadn’t felt in a long, long time and began to panic.

…

Jack shut the door behind him. Alex was probably trying to follow. He dashed down the hall. Now what? He walked outside, the cool evening air causing him to shiver. He paced around for a moment, his thoughts racing. He sat on a bench and held his head in his hands. 

After some time of panicking, he realized something; if Alex was gonna hurt him, he would have done it already. Also, Alex had no obligation to tell him anything. He was overreacting.

He looked back up, the stars (well, not “stars” more like “star” this was a city after all.) were out. How long was he sitting out here? He should probably go back and apologize.

He sighed and stood. Hopefully Alex wouldn’t be too mad at him for this, but honestly he knew that he deserved whatever reaction he got.

He paused outside the door. He sighed and pushed it open. “Alex?” He called. His voice rang through the empty room. He stepped through the door and closed it softly behind him. “Alex, are you here?”

Oh no, did he leave? Maybe he was hiding somewhere? Shoot. “Alex?” He called again, cautiously walking through the dorm, scanning around as he did so. That’s when he noticed something; the light was on in the bathroom. The door was opened somewhat, and he tapped on it lightly. “Alex?” He called.

The door opened slowly. Jack scanned around the apparently empty bathroom before noticing that Alex was curled up on the floor. “There you are.”

“I’m sorry!” Alex yelled, holding up his hands. One of which had a knife.

A bloody knife.

Jack gasped and almost ran but then he realized something; the knife was already bloody. Looking closer he could see the deep cuts all across Alex’s forearms. His heart wrenched at the sight. “Alex?”

“Please, don’t hurt me.” Alex said, the tears on his face visible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, please tell me if anything is inaccurate!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW - Self Harm, negative self talk/abusive language, persecutors 
> 
> This is my first attempt at writing persecutors, so please tell me if I got anything wrong!

“You’re not Alex, are you?” Jack spoke slow, cautiously. He stepped closer causing Alex, well, maybe not “Alex” Alex, to flinch violently.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, no don’t be.” Jack said, sitting on the ground. “So, who are you? Is Alex there?”

“No.” He mumbled. “You should stay away from Alex.” He added.

“What?”

“Alex thinks he’s so great. He thinks he’s so smart and so brave. Well, he’s not. It’s the rest of us that hold him together. He needs us! Well, I don’t need him. I could be a better host but no.”

“What?”

“He’ll take everything from you, you know. He’ll lie to you and make you think he’s something when he’s not. He’s just some fucked up child that never grew up. He’s pathetic.”

Jack was too stunned to say anything. Sure, this wasn’t Alex, but it still was Alex, because… Well, look at him! It was clearly Alex saying all this, wasn’t it?

“I should be the one in charge. I’m smarter I’m-” Alex suddenly stopped talking.

Jack looked around. Why did he stop?

“Go away.” Alex said. Jack was about to reply when Alex continued to speak; “No. I never get to come out.” A pause. “Why? This is Alex’s body, isn’t it?” He held the knife to his arm. Nothing happened. “Let go, Lafayette.” Alex spoke through gritted teeth. Alex sat for a moment, several really, then looked around the room. He looked down at his arms and dropped the knife. “Merde.” He mumbled.

“Are you… someone new?” Jack said softly.

Alex’s head snapped up. “Why are you here?” Said a voice with a thick French accent.

“Uh, Hi. I’m Jack. What’s-”

“I know who you are.” Not Alex interrupted. He stood and walked to the sink.

“Oh, uh, okay.” Jack said, standing as well. “Who are you?”

Alex? Glared at him using the mirror as he turned on the water. “Alex was willing to answer your questions.”

“Right.” Jack said sheepishly. “Can you tell him I’m sorry about that?”

“Tell him yourself.” ‘Alex’ said, putting his arms under the water. “Whenever he comes back out.”

“Right. Of course.” Jack watched as ‘Alex’ washed his arms out with soap, calmly and carefully. “Have you, uh, done this before?”

“Perhaps you should have asked Alex.”

Jack sighed. He deserved this. “I’m sorry.”

‘Alex’ said nothing. He opened the medicine cabinet and pulled out a box. Inside was all manor of medical supplies. He grabbed out the gauze and methodically wrapped each arm. Jack watched in awkward silence, not sure what to do when ‘Alex’ spoke; “Haven’t we been through enough today?”

Something told Jack he wasn’t talking to him.

“I can help.” ‘Alex’ mumbled to himself, quieter than the last time.  
“No.” he spoke louder with the accent again.  
“You are not a spiritual protector.” He mumbled.  
“Don’t you-” The voice with the accent was loud just before it abruptly stopped. ‘Alex’ packed away the kit before turning to the door, seeing Jack as he did so.  
“You’re still here?” A monotone, non-accented voice said.

“Hi, I’m Jack-”

“Figured as much. I’m Aaron.”

Finally! A name! Jack thought. “It’s nice to meet you, Aaron.”

Aaron said nothing, just walking past him and out of the room.

Jack followed him. “So, Aaron, who were the other two?”

“It’s not my place to say.” Aaron said, grabbing his school bag and dumping the contents onto his bed.

“Oh, sure.” Jack said. Guess he wouldn’t get their names. Maybe he could ask something else… “What was with the first one?” Jack gestured to his own arms, trying to explain he meant the one that did the cuts. “The bad one that-”

“Thomas is not bad!” Aaron, dropping his calm monotone shouted as he spun around to face Jack. He took in a deep, calming breath before speaking again. “He is not bad. There are no bad alters.”

“Right. I’m sorry.”

Aaron opened the dresser and grabbed some things. Picking them out carefully, even though Jack couldn’t see what they were. “You didn’t even bother googling it, did you?”

“Well, uh…” Jack trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. 

Aaron stuffed the items from the drawer into the bag. “That would probably be a good place to start.” He walked past Jack, swinging the bag over his shoulder.

“Where are you going?”

“We’re leaving.” Aaron replied simply.

“We?” Jack asked as he followed Aaron.

“Yes. We need to be somewhere safe. And right now, ‘safe’ is a place-” Aaron stopped and turned to look Jack in the eye. “Without you.”

Aaron left, locking the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your comments! I appreciate every last one, and ALL feedback is useful!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS-Negative descriptions of DID, talk of self harm, crying, guilt, vague descriptions of panic attacks
> 
> Thank you for all of your comments, your feedback is helping to shape this fic! As always, please tell me if anything is inaccurate!

Aaron pulled out his phone. He sighed and typed in the pass code; system. It was the easiest to remember and it’s random enough that strangers couldn’t get into the phone. He scrolled down the contacts and pressed the call button.

“Hello?” A sleepy voiced woman answered.

“Hey mom.” Aaron said. It was strange calling the body’s mom, or rather adoptive mother,"mom". Aaron understands himself as an orphan, but she was his mom too since he’s part of the system and all… but it was still weird saying that.

“Oh, hey!” She said, far happier than before. “Is everything okay?”

“We’re safe.” Aaron said simply. “But the system decided we would tell our roommate.”

“And that went bad, didn’t it?”

“Yeah. Anyway, I’ve taken over, it’s Aaron by the way, and I think we need to leave. I wanted to ask if we could use the credit card you gave us to rent a room at a cheap hotel.”

“Of course, honey.” 

“Thanks, mom. Sorry for calling so late.”

“Don’t worry about it, Aaron. I’m just glad you’re safe.”

“Me too.”

…

He fucked up.

Oh, boy did he f u c k u p 

Why did he react like that?

Well, for one, he didn’t really know anything about this disorder. He understood that there were other people aside from Alex there were… Inside Alex? He thought back to her own perception of it; the evil alter is what came to mind. You see it everywhere… That explains his panic, kinda. But it felt deeper than that. He knew deep down that Alex wasn’t going to do anything to him, so then why did he panic so badly?

Maybe it was a trust thing. Did he feel that he was entitled to this information somehow? Like, Alex should have introduced himself that way? But why? It wasn’t really his business, but he still felt… Betrayed somehow. Like, logically it’s not really his business, but who had he met? Who had he spoken to? 

What’s worse is Alex self harmed because of him. It looked bad, too. He was going to have to attend class with bandages, and how would he explain that to people? Would this cause some sort of relapse? It was obviously not the first time this had happened. How was he even going to go about apologizing to Alex? How do you express "I'm sorry for causing you to self harm"? Just say that? 

Breathe. Panicking is not going to help. He felt awful. He knew that he reacted poorly, but he had no idea it would cause this! How do you even start to fix something like this?

Well, maybe he should take Aaron’s advice and google it. It was the least he can do after how bad he done F U C K E D U P

He sat at his computer. Okay, what did Alex call it? Shit! He couldn’t even remember! Well, he remembered multiple personality disorder, so he started there.

…

Eliza jumped when her door opened. It was uncommon for people to visit and when they did, they knocked. 

She turned to the door, ready to scold whoever was barging into her home. “Alex?”

Alex sniffled. 

“Oh, no. Alex…” She said calmly. She stepped towards him and held out her arms. 

He hugged her, crying into his shoulder.

Outside, Hercules stepped out of his tent. “Was that Alex?”

“I think so.” George said.

“What’s going on?”

“I’m not sure, but Thomas got out.”

“What?” Hercules yelled.

George shrugged. “Yeah, Lafayette is trying to get out there now.”

“You let him through?”

“You and I both know it’s not that simple.”

Hercules took in a deep breath. “Right. Sorry.”

“I’m worried too.”

“Must have been pretty bad if Alex came here.” Hercules thought aloud.

“Definitely. I can’t even remember the last time he was here.”

“So, what now?” Hercules questioned.

“Looks like we’ll be taking over for a while. We’ll record the lectures.”

“I’ll pass that to Laf when he comes back.”

“I appreciate that.”

“But what do we do about Alex?”

“Eliza’s got it.”

Meanwhile; inside Eliza’s living room:

“Thanks.” Alex said, taking the tea Eliza made.

She sat down on the couch next to him. “That sounds awful.”

“It was.” He took a sip of tea. He missed her tea. It wasn’t particularly good or anything, but it always tasted like she put love and effort into everything she made. “I mean, he didn’t even say anything. He just ran. Like his only thought was ‘I need to get away’ or something.”

“So, what now?”

“I don’t know.” Alex sighed. “Jack will probably get a different room.”

“You don’t know that for sure.” 

Alex looked at her quizzically.

“Maybe his first reaction isn’t how he really feels.”

“You always believe in people.” Alex smiled.

“I think there is good in everyone.”

“But, even then, I don’t know if I will be able to get past this.”

Eliza nodded. “Give it time. But if you can’t, this whole system will be there for you.”

“I’m glad to have you.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW- TALK OF PAST ABUSE (emotional)
> 
> Thank you all for your feedback! As always, please tell me if anything is inaccurate!

Aaron blinked open his eyes. He scanned the room- it was the cheap hotel he stayed at. He was still out. Huh, okay. It made sense after all, he was the only spiritual protector the Hamilton system had. 

Well, at least he is now. 

Aaron began life as a persecutor. He was one of the first to be created. He came about at around five, they think. And as a persecutor he was created to hold trauma. This trauma shaped him in ways they now understand from therapy.

Growing up, Alex often heard the same degrading things; that he wasn’t good enough. He wasn’t smart enough, if he was a better/smarter/stronger person than this abuse wouldn’t be happening. They now understand that this is not true, however Aaron was created before they understood this. He internalized all of this hate and became determined to “one-up” Alex. He would torment Alex for not being good enough. He would be sure that Alex knew that he was better, and Alex needed to be like him for the abuse to stop.

It took a few years, but now he understands what he was really trying to do; protect. He believed what the abusers said, that if they were stronger/better/smarter that they could escape. He thought that pushing Alex to be better would stop the abuse.

He used to hurt the body too, just like Thomas. That’s why he was the closest with Thomas; he understands. He once hated Alex too. He once thought Alex took his life, he though Alex was weak and stupid and bad person but that’s just a result of what they have been through. 

Through the years of therapy he has learned to live with his trauma. He has also learned how to protect without harming, and that that was a thing that was possible. Once all his trauma was processed he realized who he was underneath, a level headed, patient, hard working individual that could turn on and off his emotions almost at will. This was a very useful skill, and he has since taken on the moniker of spiritual protector. Spiritual protectors are often called emotional protectors, but Aaron personally liked the sound of spiritual protector better. 

Now, he fronted when the system was under emotional stress and/or in a triggering situation. He was happy to be a help now. He wasn’t at first, he didn’t see himself as part of the system but rather an observer, but he came to realize that he is part of it no matter how much he says he is not.

Anyway, it was probably best to check if there was anything important to do today. He pulled their collective notebook from their bag and looked at the schedule. Nothing, that’s good. Should he go back? Was it safe? Either way, he’d be kicked from the hotel in about an hour, so he’d better decide if he was gonna stay another night or not. 

Eh, one night was probably enough to let things deescalate. After all, Jack wasn’t a physical threat and if he proved to be an emotional one, Aaron would just leave again. 

…

Jack awoke at his desk, the search bar full of random letters. When had he fallen asleep? Well, it didn’t really matter anyway. It was Saturday, after all.

Jack stretched, back cracking. He really needed to kick this habit of sleeping at his desk. It was already almost noon when he awoke, hopefully Alex would be back soon. He had a lot of apologizing to do. He felt like now he had a somewhat decent grip on the disorder from what he read. Hopefully it would be enough to convince Alex he really was ready to learn and, more importantly, that he was sorry for how he reacted. 

As he sat there his mind began to wonder. Who had he already met? Both Aaron and the French one already knew his name, so had he met them before? Jack was pretty sure he would have noticed the accent, but maybe he hid it? Why was Aaron more willing to talk with him than the others? How many alters did-

His thoughts were cut off by the sound of the door opening. He jumped out of his chair and walked quickly to the door. “Hey, Alex.” He said. “Or, well, uh, who… Are you?” Jack corrected.

“It’s Aaron still.” He spoke in the same monotone voice as before. 

“Oh, hi again.” Jack took in a calming breath, “I wanted to tell you that I am sorry.”

“Alex still isn’t-” 

“I know. I want to tell you that I am sorry.”

Aaron nodded. “You googled it.”

“Yeah, I did.” Jack replied sheepishly. 

“Good.”

“So, tell me about yourself.”

“I’m a spiritual protector.” Aaron began.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone following this fic! As always, please tell me if anything is inaccurate!
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS- Persecutors, self harm, negative self talk, vague descriptions of past trauma.

~Flashback~

In the center of the camp there was a fire pit. Around it there were logs and different cooking utensils were stored nearby. Today George was cooking lunch over the firepit, as Hercules and Aaron sat on the logs.

“Alex is telling him today, huh?” Lafayette said as he took a seat next to Hercules.

“Yep.” George nodded. 

“I hope it goes well.” Aaron said.

“Come on, guys!” Hercules spoke cheerfully. “This is a good thing! We can be ourselves at home again!”

“I still think this is a bad idea.” Lafayette sighed.

“Then you can tell us you told us so.” Hercules smiled.

Lafayette smiled back.

“No use worrying about that.” George redirected their attention. “It’s not like that will do anything.”

“That’s true.” Aaron agreed.

“It’s nice of you to join us.” George said.

Aaron shrugged. “Thanks, I guess.”

“Hey, I mean that.” George said, more sternly this time.

“Yeah, man!” Hercules smiled. “It’s nice that you’re more a part of the system now, you know?”

“I must agree.” Lafayette sighed. “It is nice having another protector around.”

“Hey, I’m right here!” Hercules laughed.

Lafayette smiled. “Right, of course.”

…

Alright. This was it. Jack would be home any moment. George stayed at the front, watching. “Whatever happens, I’m here.” He said.

“Thanks.” Alex said back. Then the door opened.

As you know, that didn’t go well. At all. The moment the door closed on Alex George heard something from behind him. He sighed, it’s probably Laf, he thought. Here to clean up the messes the others make, as usual. He turned ready to explain what happened the best he could so when Laf fronted he wouldn’t be totally clueless, but then he caught sight of the alter, not Laf but “Thomas?” George asked. 

Thomas said nothing, walking towards the front.

“Thomas, no.” George said, grabbing Thomas by the wrist. 

Thomas yanked his hand away. “I’m going.” He asserted and walked out.

“Well, shit.” George said.

Alex was thrust into the inner world. He usually didn’t go into the world, rather going into an amnesia state when someone else was fronting. But he knew what he needed now, Eliza. He quickly walked past George without a word. 

…

Thomas looked around. Where was this place? Oh, right, Aaron mentioned something about going to college. Did Alex really think he was good enough to be a lawyer? Pathetic. He walked around. This is where he lived? Why’d he leave home? Home was so much better.

It had been so long since Thomas was able to front. Even longer since he fronted outside of Dr. Miranda’s office.

He could feel it, a flashback was coming on. He could hear the winds of the hurricane, he could feel the water on his skin... Dr. Miranda said he had to relive it, to process it. That was the only way to make the flashbacks stop permanently. 

He didn’t believe her. He’d do what always worked, and besides, this was Alex’s body anyway, so who cares what happens to it?

…

At the first sign of physical pain Lafayette left his tent. “What’s happening?” He shouted.

“It’s Thomas.”

“He got out?” Lafayette growled. “Great. Let me go deal with it.”

George sighed. This went even worse than anticipated.

It took a while before Thomas was shoved back into the inner world.

“Thomas?” George approached him slowly. He reached out a hand then-

“Don’t touch me.” Thomas growled, swatting the hand away. He dashed into his tent without another word.

At this point, Aaron had left his tent and approached the front. “‘That bad, huh?”

George sighed. “Yeah.”

“What happened?”

“Jack ran.”

“Ouch.”

“Right?” George agreed.

“Especially if it was enough to make Thomas front.”

“You should probably check on him.”

Aaron almost agreed, but he had one last question; “Who’s out?”

“Laf.”

“Do you really think he’s the best to be dealing with this? He’s very emotional.”

George paused. “If you can take control, do it.”

Aaron nodded.

It was nice to be needed.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has left feedback! As always, please tell me if anything is inaccurate!

~Back to Saturday~

Alex stretched and looked around. Where was he? Oh, right. Eliza’s house. He got up and walked down the stairs. 

The inner world didn’t just look like the 1700s, it also had the technology of it. Getting around at night required a candle, Eliza cooked all food using coal or wood, the house was heated with an old brick fireplace, things like that. 

He entered the kitchen where Eliza was cooking. “Morning.” She said. “Breakfast?”

“That would be great.”

“Are you feeling any better?” 

Alex nodded. “Yeah, a lot better actually.”

“Good.” Eliza smiled. 

Just then both littles came running from their rooms.

“No running in the house.” Eliza scolded.

Theodosa took a seat at the table. “Sorry mom.”

“What’s for breakfast?” Phillip asked as he took a seat.

Eliza rolled her eyes. “Good morning to you too.”

“You take such good care of them.” Alex smiled.

“Thank you.”

…

“And now I am a protector.” Aaron concluded.

Jack nodded. “Thank you for sharing with me.”

“Sure thing.” Aaron shrugged. “So, tell me about yourself.”

“Well, uh, I’m from South Carolina. My relationship with my parents is.. Iffy. I wanted to move here to get away from all that, you know? Be somewhere different. When I told them I wanted to be a lawyer they were pretty happy about that.” After a moment of silence, he realized Aaron was waiting for him to continue. “I like to draw. I can’t really make it a career, though.” He searched for something else to say, he didn’t have a built in purpose like Aaron. “I guess there’s not too much to know about me.” He smiled awkwardly.

“It can be hard to talk about yourself.” Aaron nodded.

“Yeah.” Jack agreed.

Aaron nodded. He pulled a notebook out of his bag. 

“What’s that?”

“This is our communication notebook, that way we know what the last person was doing.”

Jack nodded. “That’s smart.”

“Thank you.” Aaaron spoke, contemplating what to write. “I must warn you, I’m beginning to feel switchy, so someone else might be here in a minute.”

“Oh, uh, okay.”

“It probably won’t be Alex, though.”

“Man, I really messed up, huh?”

Aaron nodded. “You did.”

“Do you think that the others will forgive me?”

“I think most will, given time.”

“Okay.” Jack nodded. “Do you forgive me?”

Aaron shrugged. “Sure. I’m not one to hold a grudge.”

“Thank you.”

As time passed, Aaron found it harder and harder to write as he disassociated more and more. He decided to write a short, simple note that outlined the important things of what happened.

Jack watched on in silence. What was he supposed to do? Just wait right? What if that French one that didn’t like him came out? 

After a few minutes, Alex looked around the room. He spotted Jack and frowned.

“Uh, hi I’m-”

“We have met before.” Oh no, the one with the French accent.

“I’m sorry”

“I am not Alex.”

“No, I’m sorry to you.”

He said nothing, staring down Jack for a moment. He got up from the table. “I need to change our bandages.”

“Oh, of course.” Jack said nervously. “Take your time.”

Just before he stepped through the door, he turned back. “Thank you for the apology.”

Jack smiled. It was a start.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, and for your feedback! Please tell me if anything is inaccurate.

Entry Aaron: 

1-5 to 1-6

We stayed at a hotel for the night. Jack and I spoke, we only talked about me. We have not eaten much, so you may be hungry. Before me Thomas came out, the body is hurt. You will need to redress the wounds at least twice a day. Be sure to wash them.

End entry.

…

Lafayette stepped from the bathroom, wounds freshly bandaged. “You’re still there?” He asked.

Jack, who had been staring at the table without moving the entire time, looked up. “Well, yes.”

Lafayette scoffed. “Okay.” We walked over to the fridge and pulled out an apple. 

“It’s good to see you again.”

“There is no need to lie to me.” Laf said, taking a bite. 

“I’m not.” Jack said. 

Laf quirked an eyebrow.

“I mean it.” Jack’s voice was earnest.

Laf sighed. He took the seat across from Jack and took another bite.

Jack smiled wide. Progress! “So, uh, would you be willing to give me your name?”

Judging by the look on his face, that answer was no.

Jack sighed. “I can’t blame you. I’m guessing we’ve never met?”

“We’ve met several times, actually.” Laf said in a perfect impression of Alex’s voice.

Jack’s jaw dropped in a cartoonish fashion.

That managed to get Lafyette to chuckle. “I can hide the accent.” His voice returned to normal. “It is hard for me, but I can when I need to. Now that you know, I don’t have to.”

“Oh, uh, okay.” Jack said. “So, uh, when was the first time we met?”

“That first night. When I woke up around midnight I noticed you were drooling on your books.”

“That was you?”

Laf nodded. 

“Well, thank you.”

“Alex passed along your thanks.” 

“Oh, good!” Jack said. “So, would you be willing to tell me about yourself? Anything at all?”

Lafyette looked at him skeptically. He sat for a moment, pondering, then caught sight of the notebook and grabbed it.

“Oh, yeah Aaron left a note.”

Lafyette read the note and nodded. “Impressive. You got Aaron to open up to you.”

“Is that hard?”

“Perhaps not anymore.” Laf took another bite from the apple. “He’s a tough nut to crack. It is difficult to know what he is thinking.” He looked out the window, it was dark. He pulled out his phone and checked the time, “It’s getting late.”

“Is it?” Jack questioned.

Laf took the last bite of the apple and stood. He threw away the core. “Yes, it is. We need to rest.”

“Oh, okay.” Jack tried not to sound disappointed.

Laf walked into the bedroom.

What now? This is the second time he met the French one, and he had hardly made any progress with him! He wished he could ask Aaron if the French one would ever forgive him, but Aaron wouldn’t tell him, even if he was here. Jack sighed and put his head on the table. This was going to be a long-

“Hey, Jack.” A French voice called.

Jack quickly turned to look at him.

“My name is Lafayette. Laf for short.”

Jack smiled. “It’s good to meet you, Lafayette.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the lovely comments, as always please tell me if anything in inaccurate!
> 
> TW- Self harm, vague discussions of trauma

Jack opened up the bathroom door. Alex was there, on the floor in a pool of blood. He looked up at him, anger in pain in his eyes.

“You did this.”

Jack woke in a cold sweat. A nightmare, it wasn’t real. He breathed slowly, calming himself. He sat up, Alex was still asleep, or the body was still asleep? Either way, it was probably time to get up. He walked to the kitchen and grabbed some cereal and milk. 

He sat at the table alone. He stared into the cereal bowl. Alex self harmed because of him. Those bandages on his arms were because of Jack’s poor handling of something that Alex had no control over, because of something caused by trauma. 

Once he finally decided to take a bite of his cereal, it was soggy. How long was he just sitting there? 

When Lafayette awoke, he looked around the room. He was out, and Jack was gone. Okay, whatever. He got out of bed and took a shower, carefully washing the cuts on his arms. 

When Jack heard the shower he perked up. Alex was awake! Well, probably not “Alex” Alex, but someone was. Jack quickly got dressed and sat at his desk, trying to look like he wasn’t waiting to see who was out today.

After a while of typing nonsense on his computer, he heard the door to the bathroom open. He stood and went to greet him, but froze. Alex was wearing blue jeans and… that was it. He had never seen him shirtless before, and it caught him off guard.

After realizing Jack wasn’t going to stop staring, Lafayette broke the silence. “Like what you see, imbécile impulsif?”

Jack shook his head and blushed furiously, looking away. “Sorry.”

Lafayette shrugged. He walked past him into the bedroom and grabbed a shirt from the dresser. After he put it on, he walked towards the door.

“Where are you going, Lafayette?”

“For a walk.”

“Can I come?”

Laf shrugged. “I won’t stop you.”

Jack smiled and followed him out, locking the door behind him. “So, uh, Laf,” Jack stumbled through his words, especially since he made a total ass of himself just a minute ago. “Where are we going?”

“Just walking for exercise.”

“Ah.” Jack nodded. He paused, thinking of something to ask him. What had he read about alters being different from the body? Right, they could be from different places. “So, where are you from?”

“Chavaniac, France.”

“Oh.”

“Never heard of it, huh?”

Jack laughed nervously. “Nope, never.”

“No one is sure why I am from there. You would think Paris or something like that.”

Jack nodded. “I thought you were going to say Paris.”

“You are from South Carolina, yes?”

“Yeah.”

“What’s that like?”

“Less people.”

Lafayette nodded. “I imagine so.”

“I’m from Charleston, specifically. It’s our largest City with about 130,000 people.”

“That is not much.”

“It’s not.” Jack agreed. After a few moments of silence, Jack asked; “So what are you willing to tell me about yourself?”

“I am the primary protector.”

Jack nodded. When Laf paused, he allowed the silence to continue. Maybe He would say more if there was no verbal reply.

“I was created to protect the body from...” He paused, looking for the right word. “Physical harm.”

Jack nodded again. 

“I have been protecting the body since we were about three. But, now that we are safe, there is not much for me to do. I try and keep us healthy. Fruits, vegetables, exercise, things like that.”

Once more, Jack nodded.

A pause.

“That is all I am willing to say.”

“Thank you for sharing that.”

“I bet that was more than you thought you would ever get out of me, huh?”

Jack laughed. “Yeah. It was.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! As always, please tell me if anything is inaccurate!
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING- Mentions of self harm, guilt, persecutors

Monday, George woke up. How was he in control? Whatever, he looked at the clock. It was about time to get up anyway, there was class. He pulled out the notebook and read the entries. He was always near the front, so he somewhat knew what was happening, but he checked anyway. He then checked the schedule. Class in an hour. That should be plenty of time to find the classroom. He got dressed and left the apartment, leaving Jack sleeping in his bed. Best not to wake him.

He set up his phone to record the lecture. He would take notes as well, mainly to fit in, but it was better than nothing. Hopefully there wasn’t anything too important in class today.

“Hey, Alex.” A voice said.

George looked up and saw someone sit next to him. “Hey.” He replied, not really knowing who that person was, but assuming that Alex knew him.

“We’re at the halfway point.” He joked.

“Finally.” George said, doing his best impression of Alex.

The other person snickered. “Right? This felt like forever.”

George nodded. “It did.” He pulled out the class specific notebook and read the first page:

‘The professor is Jones and the guy next to us is Charles.’ It said. He probably should have read that on the way over. He was very thankful that they had a notebook for each class, it would be such a pain trying to find each subject in one book.

Luckly, the professor walked in at that moment, saving him from having to talk to this stranger.

… 

“This is your fault!” Alex yelled.

“I’m sorry! I am so, so sorry!” Jack cried.

He awoke in a cold sweat, the same nightmare as last time? He sat up and looked around, Alex was gone. He sighed. Alex did take morning classes, so it wasn’t unusual for him to be gone. Jack hugged his knees and rested his head on them. Was he ever going to get over this? Was Alex going to forgive him when he came back? He understood that he harmed the system as a whole so he needed to apologize for each of them but he hoped that when he finally got to apologize to Alex he would be able to forgive himself. If he still couldn’t, well, he’d cross that bridge when he got there. Whatever, time for class anyway. 

…

Once George returned home, he looked through the fridge. He was not the least bit qualified to cook anything out here, so there must be something he could eat without cooking. As he finally settled on some left over pasta, the door opened. He sighed inwardly. He really didn’t want to be out here dealing with this drama, but no one was around to take it over for him. He grabbed a plate and began scooping what looks like spaghetti onto it.

“Hey, Alex.” Jack said, closing the door. “Oh, I mean,” he cleared his throat and looked at George. “Hi, I’m Jack. What’s your name?”

“I’m George.” He put the plate in the microwave. This fancy technology was a bit much for him, but he managed fine.

“Oh, hello!” Jack said excitedly. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“We have met before.” George replied flatly. He pulled the plate from the microwave, burning himself on it. Damn technology.

“Right, of course.” Jack said. 

“It was one of the times you were drawing. I rarely come out.” George clarified, sitting at the table.

“Oh, okay.” Jack nodded. He paused awkwardly for a moment, then decided to get himself some food as well. He sat across from George and ate in silence. “I’m sorry.” Jack spoke after a long pause.

“For what?” George asked quizzically. 

“For reacting the way I did.” 

George nodded. “I am the system gatekeeper. I’m near the front most of the time, watching. I monitor the situations to decide who needs to be out and when. I keep the alters in if they are not needed, or if they…” He looked at his arms. “Are going to cause harm.” He sighed. He folded his arms and leaned back in the chair. “Thomas hasn’t gotten past me in months.” He confessed. “But that time, I couldn’t stop him.” 

Jack looked down at his now empty plate. He felt awful. He did that.

“But there’s no use of dwelling on that now.” George sighed. “Thomas needs time. He’s better than he was, believe it or not. I guess that’s Alex’s story to tell, though.”

“I am so, so sorry.” Jack said, voice breaking.

“What’s done is done.” George shrugged. “It is best to move forward.”

Jack nodded. But, could he move forward?


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! As always, please tell me if anything is inaccurate!

Lafayette put the phone on the table, ready to record the lecture. He pulled out the notebook for that class and read the front page. Under the Professor's name, it said “Jack is in this class with us. He sits next to us.”

Laf sighed. Fine, at least he and Jack got along okay now. He hated anyone that hurt the system, but at least Jack seemed to be sorry about it. When was Alex getting back? Being the host was so boring. He had never really been more grateful for being a protector than he was right now. School was so dull. 

“Oh, hey, uh,” Jack’s voice interrupted Lafayette’s thoughts. Jack sat in the empty seat next to him. “Who is-”

“You have to call me Alex in public.” Lafayette muttered in his perfect Alex voice.

“Ah, right. Right, that makes sense.” Jack nodded. “So, uh, who else knows?”

“Our family. Immediate family.”

“That’s it?”

“Yes.” 

“Oh.” He was one of the few to know? And he reacted like that? Pile on the guilt, why don’t ya?

…

Alex pulled a weed from the garden and placed it into the basket.

“Thank you for helping.” Eliza said. 

“Thank you for letting me stay here.” Alex replied.

“Of course. It’s what I do.” Eliza joked.

Alex laughed. He flipped over a leaf on one of the tomato vines to check for pests.

“Do you think you will go back soon?” 

“Trying to get rid of me?” Alex smiled.

“Maybe.” Eliza winked.

Alex chuckled. “I don’t know. I’m not sure if I could even front now, with all that I’m feeling.”

Eliza nodded. “I must admit, it is nice having you here.”

“Don’t the others come by to visit you?”

“They do. But, they aren’t you.”

Alex smiled.

Eliza smiled back. “Well,” She said as she grabbed the basket and stood. “This will make some nice fire kindling.”

...

On the way back to his dorm, Lafayette contemplated calling Dr. Miranda's office. They went every other Tuesday now, so they didn’t have an appointment today, but seeing as Alex still hadn’t come back out, he was getting worried. 

He opened the door and sighed. Hopefully it won't be much longer. As soon as Jack closed the door behind them, he asked “Who is out today?”

“It’s me.” Laf said in his distinct accent. 

“Oh, hello again.”

“Hi.” Laf spoke flatly. He walked into the bedroom and sat at his desk. 

Jack thought it best to leave him alone. He sat at the dining table, thinking about what he could cook for dinner. As he thought, he heard Laf speaking:

“How’s Alex?” Laf said aloud. “Think he’ll come back out soon? I don’t like all this school.” A pause. “Okay.”

It felt like hearing someone on the phone, but it also felt like an invasion of privacy now that he understood why Alex was always talking to himself. Usually he was quieter than that, but he did mumble to himself. Jack had known people in the past that thought out loud, but they probably didn’t have anyone replying to them.

Jack sighed. He hoped Alex would come back soon too. He was developing a crush on Alex before all this, but there was no hope for a relationship anymore. Not after what he did. 

But he entertained the thought anyway.

What would it be like dating someone with DID? Would he be dating Alex, all of the alters or some of them? He wouldn’t mind dating Alex, but how would that work? Communication, probably. Lots of communication. He didn’t even know all the alters in the system, at least he assumes he hasn’t met all of them. Well, knowingly met all of them. He’d be lying if he said the French accent Laf had wasn’t super sexy. 

Well, there wasn’t any hope now anyway. But if there was, he would. What would his dad think? Dating not one man, but several. He laughed to himself. That would be the day.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading and for your feedback! As allwas, tell me if anything is inaccurate!

When Hercules came to, he was staring down at their journal. Oops, looks like he interrupted Laf mid sentence. Though, basically the full entry was about how bored he was of being the host, so Lafayette was probably grateful that someone else took over.

Well, since he was out, he may as well eat! He stepped out of the room and into the kitchen area to see Jack sitting at the table. “Hey, Jack.” He greeted, instinctively doing an impression of Alex.

“Oh hello, uh, who is it?”

“Oh, right.” Hercules dropped the impression. “I forgot you know. I’m Hercules. Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too! Well, officially anyway.”

“Yeah, we’ve met before. I’m the one that cooks.”

“Well thank you for cooking for me.” Jack smiled.

“Oh sure.” Hercules shrugged, rummaging through the fridge. “I love to cook.” He grabbed out some chicken. “You hungry?”

“Yeah, can I help?”

“Sure! Can you cook?”

Jack stood and shrugged. “Eh, I can try.”

Hercules laughed. “I’ll give you the easy stuff then.”

“Thank you.”

“Here.” He said, getting out a cutting board. “I’ll have you chop the bell peppers.”

“I can do that.” Jack nodded. He grabbed out the peppers and started to chop them. “So, tell me about yourself, Hercules.”

“Did Alex ever flirt with you?” Hercules asked, not looking away from the seasonings in the cabinet.

This caught Jack off guard. “What? No, I mean, I thought sometimes he said something that, you know, could have been flirting.”

“That was me.” He said, turning to Jack and smirking.

Jack blushed harshly. “Oh, uh, okay.”

Hercules laughed, grabbing what he needed. “It could have been worse. The others don’t like how much I flirt with people, especially Alex.”

Jack cleared his throat awkwardly. “Oh, uh…”

Hercules chuckled. “I won’t flirt with you if you don’t want me to.”

“No, no.” Jack’s voice was quiet and he cleared his throat again. “It’s fine.”

Hercules smirked. “I’m glad, it would be hard not to flirt with a cutie like you.” He winked.

Jack blushed even more. “Thank you.” He muttered.

…

Jack couldn’t sleep. That nightmare… He didn’t want to go through it again. He lied there, staring at the ceiling. He needed to sleep, but he couldn’t. He sighed. He got up silently and walked into the kitchen. He got himself a glass of water and sat at the table. 

He could probably skip class tomorrow. He hadn’t missed a class so far, and he could get notes from someone else. As he sat drinking water in the darkness of his dorm, he thought about all the alters he had met.

Thomas was the first one. Though no one had told Jack Thomas’ name, he was able to figure it out pretty easily. He didn’t like to think about Thomas. Thinking about Thomas reminded him that he was the reason Thomas fronted and therefore the reason the system had to wear the bandages...

Then there was Lafayette, the French one that had mostly forgiven him but still held him at a distance. He seemed serious in a way only matched by Aaron, and he was healthier than the others. Going for walks, eating vegetables, things like that. He still felt like there was a long way to go with Laf, but he was willing to do that.

Aaron was the one he met third. The serious one that would care for the system when things got tough. Out of all the alters he seemed to be the most grounded in this situation. They got along well enough, and he hoped that Aaron was right in saying the others would forgive him in time.

George… He had only spoken with George once, really. He didn’t seem happy to be out, and Jack wasn’t sure if that was because of him or because George preferred the inner world.

Hercules was so different from the others. Loud, flirtatious, confident… Out of everyone he had met Hercules was the most illusive. The others told him their purpose, but Hercules didn’t. Well, Thomas didn’t either but it was clear he is a persecutor. What was Hercules' deal, then?

Whatever. It wasn't his business. Even if he was curious. Hercules would tell him if and when he wanted to. Jack went back to bed. Hopefully he would be able to sleep now.

.. 

Alex blinked open his eyes. He stretched as he sat up, but froze. He looked around. His… dorm?

No.

No, no, no, no, no.

He was out.

He wasn’t ready to be out again.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading and for all your feedback!
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING - talk of self harm, negative self-talk, persecutors

Alex scrambled backwards on the bed until his back hit the wall. “Guys?” He said, voice shaking. He hugged his knees. “I’m not ready to be out.” He could feel the tears forming in his eyes. “Eliza, please.” He begged. “Laf, are you there?” He searched. “George? George, you’re always near the front!”

Jack began to stir, but Alex didn’t notice.

“Please, please don’t make me be out here!” Alex’s voice was louder. “Please…” He sniffled.

Jack blinked open his eyes. 

“Don’t leave me out here. Please.” Alex begged. He couldn’t hear anyone. He couldn’t feel anyone. He was alone.

Jack looked around. Who was talking? He saw Alex hugging his knees.

“Please.” His voice sounded so broken. “Don’t make me do this alone.”

Jack paused. How to best approach this Alter? He seemed so sad… He pulled up his desk chair and sat in front of Alex’s bed. He controlled his voice to sound as gentle as possible; “Hello. My name is Jack. Who are you?”

Alex looked up, he quickly wiped away his tears and cleared his throat. “It’s, uh,” he swallowed. “It’s Alex.”

Jack froze. He wasn’t expecting Alex. 

Alex looked at him, tears in his eyes. He kept down his panic, if Jack reacted poorly again he didn’t know if he could handle it.

“A-Alex?” Jack stuttered.

Alex nodded. 

Jack began to tear up. “Alex, I am so, so sorry.”

Alex looked surprised. What, did he think Jack wasn’t going to apologize? Or was he caught off guard that Jack was crying?

“I am so sorry for how I reacted. I shouldn’t have done that, I am so sorry.”

“It’s- It’s fine.” Alex stumbled over his words. 

“No, it’s not fine.” Jack argued. “I messed up, and I am so sorry. You deserved better than that.”

“Well, I mean, you probably didn’t-”

“No.” Jack interrupted. “Please don’t make excuses for me. I messed up. I should have known better. I should have reacted better. This was clearly something you were vulnerable about and for that I’m sorry.”

“Oh, well, In that case…” Alex sniffled. “I forgive you.”

Jack was stunned into silence. Forgiven? Just like that? Tears streamed down his face. “Thank you.”

Alex smiled through his tears. As he went to wipe his eyes again, something caught his eye. There were bandages on his arms? He froze mid-movement and stared.

“Oh, right.” Jack said sheepishly. “Uh, Thomas got out. I’m so sorry.”

Alex nodded. “Thomas isn’t bad.” He whispered, almost to himself.

“There are no bad alters.” Jack agreed.

Alex looked at him, surprised.

“I looked it up.” Jack clarified.

“Oh, well, thank you for that.” Alex paused, looking at the wraps on his arm. “So, you met Thomas.”

Jack nodded.

Alex sighed. “I bet you think I’m a freak.”

“No!” Jack nearly shouted from surprise. “No. I’m glad to have met Thomas.”

Alex looked at him questioningly. 

“I want to understand. I want to know all your alters. I know they won’t hurt me.” He grabbed Alex’s hand and placed his free hand over the bandages on his arms. “Because they hurt themselves.”

… 

“Let go of me!” Eliza yelled.

“I’m sorry, he needs to do this.” George said calmly. 

George had Aaron hugging Eliza to keep her away from the front. 

“Fine. But at least let me be there! I won’t take over!”

George shook his head. “He needs to do this alone.”

“No, he needs us!” Eliza argued.

“Eliza, please.” Aaron said, struggling to hold her back.

“He needs me! I’m supposed to help him!” Eliza shouted, beginning to cry.

“You know this is what he needs.”

Eliza grit her teeth and stopped fighting. Aaron stepped back from her, realizing that she was done trying to get out. She sniffled, and her tears became more and more frequent.

“Thank you.” George tried to comfort her. “It’s what’s best.”

“It doesn't feel like it.” Eliza began full on sobbing. 

George said nothing and reached out his arms, offering a hug. 

Eliza glared at him for a moment, but caved. She hugged him tightly and sobbed into his chest. 

She had one job in the system; to care. When she couldn’t do that… it destroyed her inside.

Aaron sighed and stepped away. His job was done here, holding Eliza back. At least he was trusted with a task, even if it was a heartbreaking one.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! And all feedback is valuable to feel free to leave your thoughts!
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING- persecutors

“Can I come in?” Aaron asked, standing outside Thomas’ tent.

“Fine.” A grumbled voice replied.

Aaron walked through the tent flaps. Inside was a pretty standard tent. A simple wooden table with a chair and a cot with some cotton blankets. Thomas sat on his cot in the corner, hugging his knees. “Hey Tommy.”

“You know I hate being called that.” Thomas grumbled.

Aaron Chuckled. He pulled out the chair and sat down.

“Are you here to yell at me?”

“You know I’m not gonna do that.”

Thomas sighed. “The others don’t understand.” 

“No, they don’t.” Aaron agreed. “So, who yelled at you?”

Thomas hugged his knees tighter. 

“You can talk to me, Thomas.”

Thomas looked away. 

Aaron sighed. “Okay.” Thomas rarely ever opened up to anyone, and he wasn’t going to tell Aaron what exactly happened or who scolded him. It was probably Lafayette. Thomas and Laf were at odds most often, and it was difficult to get Laf to stop trying to control Thomas. There was no controlling Thomas, and Aaron was the only one that understood that. Thomas needed time to heal, he needed time to improve and time to accept that Alex was part of their system, and there was nothing to be done about it. 

He wouldn’t have been able to do much about it, even if Thomas had told him what happened. Firstly, it already happened, and secondly confronting the others rarely went his way. Sure, he was treated as part of the system now, but it wasn’t so long ago that he was like Thomas. Though, Thomas’ isolation was more self inflicted than Aaron’s was, it was similar. The others were beginning to understand what persecutors are and what purpose they served, so things were better for them both. 

He still felt that the others didn’t fully accept him, though. He did somewhat understand, but at the same time, if they held the trauma he did they would act the same way. 

“What have you been up to?” Aaron asked. 

“I’ve been writing.” Thomas’ voice perked up a little.

“About what?” Aaron listened as Thomas rattled off about whatever he was writing. This was good for him, even if Aaron was the only one that he would speak to.

…

“Sorry,” Alex laughed nervously. “I don't even know where to begin.”

They had moved over to the small table to talk. Alex stared at the table awkwardly, and Jack sat silently across from him, hoping that he could finally get to know Alex. 

“No worries.” Jack said. “Start wherever you want.”

“Well, as I’ve mentioned before, I’m from the Caribbean. My dad left my mom and I when I was little and it wasn’t long before my mom got sick. I’m the only one that remembers her, the others don’t hold any memories of her.” Alex sighed. “I couldn’t have been much older than five, probably younger.”

Jack nodded. This story would probably only go down from here.

“Lafayette was the first one to be created. He- Well, have you spoken to him? He fronts quite often.”

Jack nodded. “I met him that first day. He didn’t like me much but… I think he’s okay with me now.”

Alex sighed. “Can’t say I’m surprised. He’s very emotional, and he holds grudges.”

“I hope he can forgive me.”

“He will, but he will take longer than everyone else.”

“Aaron forgave me pretty quickly.”

Alex laughed. “That’s Aaron.”

“He said he once was a prosecutor.”

“Persecutor.’

“Yeah, that.”

“He was even worse than Thomas, honestly.”

“Really?”

Alex nodded, looking more upset. “I’d rather not talk about that right now.”

“That’s fine.” Jack said.

Alex smiled. “Thank you.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all of your feedback! Thank you for following this fic and I hope to continue to be accurate in my portrayal of DID. As always, please correct any mistakes that I make!
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING - Vague discussions of trauma, talk of self harm, integration, persecutors, family death

“What were we talking about? Right, Lafayette.” Alex said, mostly to himself. “Uh, any questions?

“Why is he French?” Jack asked immediately. Alex burst out laughing. Jack watched on confused for a few moments before he couldn’t help himself and started chuckling as well. “What?” he asked through his laughter.

“I’m sorry, you just-” Alex took in a deep breath. “You asked that so quickly. Like you’ve been dying to know since you met him.” Alex wiped away a tear of laughter. “And I was expecting something like ‘what happened to you?’ it just got me off guard is all.”

“Well, I know better than to ask that.” Jack smiled.

Alex breathed for a moment to quiet his laughing fit. “I am fluent in French.”

“Really?” Jack’s voice reflected his surprise.

Alex nodded. “We’re not really sure why French was the first language Laf learned, but he does remember having to learn English.”

“Is French common in the Caribbean?”

“Yes.” Alex paused in thought. “Well, at least in my area it was. I don’t really remember what part of the Caribbean I lived in when I was that young.”

“He said he is from France.”

“Yes. We aren’t totally sure why. He does have a lot of memories of a French trading post that we lived near for a long time, so we think that might be part of how he became from France.”

Jack nodded.

“Is any of this making sense?”

“Yes, but also no? Like, I get it but I don’t, you know?”

Alex nodded. “Yeah, it’s complicated stuff.”

“Do you talk with all of the alters?”

“Yes and no, I mostly talk with Eliza and Laf directly and George is almost always at the front, but we all use the journal. Oh, you probably don’t know about the journal.”

“I saw the others write in it.” Jack said.

“Oh, good. Yeah, we use that so when someone new fronts they can know what ‘Alex’” He said using air quotes, “has been up to. It’s very useful.”

“It sounds useful.” Jack nodded. “Do you have an inner world?”

“Yeah, I can access it sometimes. It’s one of those really old army camps. Like, pre-industrial.”

“Oh, wow.”

Alex laughed. “Yeah, some of the others find the technology out here confusing.”

“It’s like jumping into the future.”

“Exactly.”

“How many alters do you have?”

“Geez, like…” He counted on his hands. “Nine? Including me. Well, that we know of, at least.”

“That’s not a lot.”

“Not at all.” Alex agreed.

“Are you trying to integrate?”

“No. We’re happy where we are. That’s probably confusing to you, isn’t it?”

“Not at all.”

Alex looked at him skeptically.

“Okay, maybe a little.”

“We have good communication.” Alex began. “With the exception of Thomas, we have agreements as to what we can and cannot do.” Alex sighed. “And, honestly, I can’t imagine life without them. I need them. They are the reason that I don’t hold any trauma.”

“You don’t hold any trauma? At all?”

Alex shook his head. “I don’t even remember my mother’s death. We aren’t sure who holds that memory or if it’s locked away somewhere.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah. If we integrated, I would have to hold the trauma. The whole point of DID is so I can live a normal life.”

“Do you know what happened to you?” Jack asked, then quickly backtracked. “Sorry, you don’t have to answer that.”

“I do, mostly. But, it’s like when you hear about stuff that happened to someone else, sure it happened to the body, but it didn’t happen to me.”

Jack nodded. “Do you get along with everyone?”

“Ehhh-” Alex said. “Mostly. Thomas and I still don’t get along, and Aaron and I have mostly reconciled, but other than that I get along with everyone else.”

“It must be hard when you don’t get along with one another.”

“It is.” Alex agreed. “But we don’t have a choice, we all share the same body.” Alex suddenly took out his phone. “Shoot, don’t you have class today?”

“I can skip.” 

“Nonsense.” Alex said sternly. “We’ll talk when you get back. Plus I have to catch up on what I missed.”

Jack considered protesting for a moment, but conceded.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading and thank you to those that have left feedback on this fic! As always, please tell me if anything is inaccurate!

He waited a minute after Jack left just to be sure that he wouldn’t hear.

“The fuck was that, guys?” Alex tried not to shout.

No reply.

“He’s gone.” Alex said aloud.

“You needed to do that alone.” George said.

“Right. Sure.” Alex spat. “Because having Eliza nearby would have just ruined everything?”

George sighed. “Yes. It would have.”

“Unbelievable.”

“It went well, didn’t it?”

“Don’t pull that, George.”

“Alright.” George shrugged.

Alex huffed. He had stuff to catch up on anyway.

…

Meanwhile, Jack couldn’t focus in class. Alex was back! There was so much for the two of them to talk about. He had questions, but now that he could ask them he couldn’t remember them. He opened his notebook and flipped to a blank page. He should start coming up with questions since he was just sitting around not listening.

…

It was pretty lucky that the lectures were mostly review. He texted some friends for notes, claiming that he didn’t understand it or he spaced out through the whole lecture, which were stories that everyone bought. 

He felt pretty caught up. At least the others thought to record the lectures. He sighed and looked at the time on his phone. When was Jack supposed to be back? He couldn’t remember. He was both excited and not excited to see Jack again. One one hand, Alex genuinely enjoyed being around Jack, but on the other hand he’d have more questions. Hopefully the questions weren’t too invasive.

His thoughts were interrupted by the door opening. “Hey Jack.” He said without looking up.

“Hi, Alex. I mean, uh-”

“It’s Alex.”

“Oh okay.” Jack shut the door. “Is it okay that I ask every time?”

“It’s fine.”

“Okay good.” Jack sat on the other side of the table. “I want to be sure I’m using the right name.”

“Most of the others wouldn’t care if you called them Alex.”

“Really?”

Alex nodded. “They’re used to it.”

“Ah.”

“So,” Alex said awkwardly. “What questions do you have?”

“It’s fine if you don’t want to answer them.”

Alex sighed. “I think it’s best to get it out of the way.”

Jack nodded. “How did you know?”

“When my parents adopted me from the Caribbean, they didn’t know what I had been through. They knew my life was tough, so they put me in therapy.”

…

“You’ll have a better life there.” A woman said to him. “I know it’s scary going to another country, but they want to adopt you. America is filled with opportunity.”

Alex stared at the ground. He didn’t want to leave. He didn’t want to live with these random people everyone kept talking about. 

He didn’t have a choice, though.

He had been in the same orphan program for basically his whole life, but no one ever adopted him. It was hard to say if the program was even a real program, but here he was, getting adopted. So it must have been at least partially real.

Anyway, he was going on the plane, whether he wanted it or not. Planes were pretty foreign to him, sure he had seen them flying above him before but he never had been near one let alone in one. The flight was fine, boring, but fine.

Once he landed, he tried to remember the woman’s instructions. There would be a person in a uniform waiting to escort him. Okay? He stepped out into the airport and looked around. 

Apparently, a lost looking child was enough to signal the person in the uniform that he was indeed the child that was being adopted because almost immediately a man walked up to him. “You must be Alex.”

Alex nodded.

“Come with me.” The man said, holding out a hand. Alex took it and walked alongside him to the front of the airport. He didn’t realize it at the time, but the couple standing by the door were Amy and David, his new parents.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone that has been reading this fic! All feedback is welcome and appreciated!

He got into a car with the two strangers. They say you shouldn’t do that for obvious reasons, but these were his new parents so hopefully this would turn out okay.

They pulled up to a large house. 

Like a huge house.

Like a mansion.

‘They must work for the family that owns it.’ Alex thought to himself. ‘It’s nice they let them live here.’

“Welcome home, Alex.” Amy said, turning around in her seat.

“Thank you.” Alex replied quietly.

He was taken into the house, and it seemed even bigger on the inside. He stared up at the ceiling, the walls seeming to go on forever. Both his new parents smiled at his shock. They led him down a hallway and opened a room. This room had a large bed with thick blankets, a wooden chest filled with toys, a fluffy center rug, a tv, and a desk. 

“So, what do you think?”

“It’s nice. This is the room that I clean?”

“Clean?” David asked. 

Alex nodded. “So that I can stay here.”

Amy smiled. “No, Alex. This is your room.”

His room? Had he ever had a room before? “But this isn’t my stuff.”

“It is now.” David corrected.

Alex’s jaw dropped. “It is?” He looked up at his parents.They nodded. “Thank you!” He yelled and hugged them.

…

Lafayette had no idea where he was. He was in some… room? A really nice room at that. He got up out of the bed he was in, a nice bed, and walked around. What was going on?

“George.” He whispered. “Do you know what’s happening?”

“Alex got on a plane and some people took us here.”

“What?” He said, louder this time.

“I couldn’t hear much, but I think we live here now.”

Laf scoffed. “Live here? No. Good things don’t happen to us.” 

“I know.” George agreed. “But I know what I saw.”

“Who took us here?” 

“Amy and David. I heard something about adoption.”

“Impossible.”

“I know. Just pretend to be Alex, everything will be fine.”

Lafayette rolled his eyes. “Is anything ever fine?” He walked out of the room. Wow, this place was huge. He walked down the hall into a large open room. On the other side he spotted movement. He was about to go back to the room when someone yelled at him.

“Alex? Is that you?” A woman peeked around the corner. “You’re just in time, breakfast should be ready.”

“Okay.” Lafayette said. Great. Now he had to follow this strange woman.

They entered a dining room where one man and a young girl, about twelve, sat at the table “Alex!” The man greeted. 

“Uh, hi.” Lafayette said sheepishly. 

“This is Angelica, your big sister.”

“Nice to meet you!” Angelica smiled.

“Nice to meet you too.” Lafayette replied.

“You can have a seat.” Amy said as she sat at the table.

“Okay.” What? Where should he sit? He didn’t want to do something wrong and make them upset. He had no idea who these people were, and thus had no idea how to act around them. Should he be quiet? Should he be doing something to make them happy? Should he run? He knew how to deal with most of the people he came across in the Caribbean, but was he even in the Caribbean anymore? He sat one chair away from David, hoping that was far enough to be safe from potential strikes but not too far that they noticed something was wrong.

“How did you sleep?” David asked.

“Good.” Laf answered. What did David care? He was going to do whatever was asked of him. Regardless of how tired he was so what did it matter?

Some random man came into the room with a cart filled with food. He put the food onto the table and walked off, taking the cart with him. Well, that was weird.

The others started taking food and putting it onto the plates in front of them. What was he supposed to do? He sat quietly. Hopefully they wouldn’t notice -

“You can take what you want.” Amy said.

“Oh, uh,”

“You don’t have to, though.” Dave clarified.

“Okay.” Lafayette said. He was hungry. It wouldn’t be for some time that he had a name to associate with the food- pancakes.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! A appreciate all your feedback. Please tell me if anything is inaccurate!
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING - Self harm, vague talk of psychiatric hospitalization, therapy, persecutors

Amy and David wanted him to go to a thing called “therapy”. He had absolutely no idea what that was, but if that's what they wanted he would do it. They had given him a place to stay and food and they had done it consistently for nearly a week now.

See, Alex more or less lived on the streets. Well, he thinks so at least. Huge chunks of his memories were missing. Sometimes he would find himself somewhere random with no concept of what he was doing, and every day he would spend a large chunk of time trying to piece together his day.

He spaced out a lot. Usually when this happened he went into the same daydream where he was at some old army camp. There were a few people there and his favorite was a sweet girl by the name of Eliza. They would play games and Eliza was always so interested in what he was doing, it made him feel motivated to learn as much as he could so he could tell Eliza later. 

But this daydream wasn’t always happy. There was this mean teenager that called himself Aaron. He bullied Alex, telling him he was weak and stupid. He didn’t like Aaron much.

George was a large man that was usually in his daydream as well. He never said much, but was always there, standing guard over… something. George never spoke to him, really. 

Thomas was another recurring character in these daydreams. He didn’t like Thomas. They didn’t interact much but Thomas gave off this… Darkness. If he got too close to Thomas he could feel emotional and physical pain. He avoided Thomas.

When he got to the therapist, he explained these daydreams.

“Do you have control over the other people?” She asked. 

“No.” Alex responded. 

The therapist nodded and wrote something down. After a few more questions, he was allowed to leave. He sat in the waiting room, playing with some toys, while the therapist talked to his parents:

“Has he mentioned a daydream to you at all?”

Amy shook her head. “No.”

“If he does please tell me about it. It doesn't seem to be a normal daydream.”

“What does that mean?” David asked, almost panicking.

“It’s nothing to be worried about. It might be the way he describes it that seems odd.”

“Okay.” Amy nodded. “We’ll tell you if he says anything.”

…

It wasn’t too long after that that Alex came back from his daydream world to see his arms covered in blood. He was standing in the bathroom holding a bloody razor. He couldn’t let his new parents find out about this! He quickly cleaned up the blood from the counters and tried to figure out where the razor blade was from. Eventually, he just threw it away since he couldn’t figure out where he got it. 

He searched the cabinets and eventually found some gauze, wrapped his arms, then rushed to his room. He found a long sleeve shirt, hopefully no one would ask him about it.

Tomorrow was therapy day. 

He more or less had a grasp on therapy at this point; he talked about his feelings. Could he talk about this, though? Would they react the way that others had in the past and lock him in a room to keep him safe? How did that help, since he was still locked away with himself?

He thought about that all the way until his visit to the therapist the next day. He sat across from her, fidgeting nervously. “Can I tell you something that I don’t want anyone else to know?”

“Of course.” She replied.

Alex took in a deep breath and rolled up his sleeves to reveal the bandages. “Sometimes when I’m in that daydream world I told you about how I do this to myself.”

She nodded calmly. “Do you know why you do it?”

Alex shook his head. “I don’t even remember doing it.”

“Do you ever want to hurt yourself?”

“No!” Alex almost shouted. “I mean, I only ever do it when I’m in that daydream and I don’t want to, but I know that I do it.”

She nodded. “You know, I have a friend who specializes in daydream stuff like this.”

Alex gasped. “Really? There’s other people like me?”

The therapist nodded. “There are lots of people like you.” 

Alex felt so happy. There were more people like him! Maybe there was hope for him after all.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading and for your feedback! Please tell me if anything is inaccurate!

“I want Alex to see a specialist.” 

“What, why?” Amy asked.

“I believe that he has a dissociative disorder, it’s nothing to worry about but I am not equipped to help him.”

David nodded. “Okay, we’ll do it.”

“Anything to help him, poor kid.”

…

The specialist office was different. There were no toys, no other children, just magazines and adults. It was far more intimidating than the other office. He sat in the oversized adult chair, feeling nervous.

Eventually his name was called, and he was sent to a small room with dim lights. 

“Hello, I’m Dr. Miranda.” A small latina woman said.

“I’m Alex.”

“So, tell me about these daydreams you’ve been having.”

So he did. She nodded, taking notes, and she said nothing. 

“Do you hear any voices?” She asked when he was done explaining.

“No.”

She nodded. “Does your inner dialog, the voice that you think with in your head, ever reply to you without your control?”

“Sometimes.” Alex confessed.

Dr. Miranda nodded and wrote something down. “Do you ever remember what you did once you leave your daydream?”

“No.”

She nodded again. “I think you’re experiencing dissociation.”

…

At least he had a name for it now, he thought. At least what he was experiencing was normal. Well, to an extent anyway.

He had no way of knowing the absolute panic the rest of the system went into. 

“They’re onto us!”

“Alex can NOT know!”

“How can we survive if Alex can’t-”

“Guys, GUYS!” George shouted. “We have to stay calm.” 

“What are we supposed to do?” Hercules asked.

“He can’t find out about us.” George said. 

“And how do we do that? Just keep pretending to be him?”

George sighed. “I hope that’s enough.”

“But that Doctor lady seems to really know stuff.” Eliza argued.

“I know. Hopefully she won’t realize that we’re here.”

…

“Dissociative disorders are trauma based.” Dr. Miranda explained to Amy and David. “His life in the Caribbean must have been difficult.”

“What do we do?”

“There’s not much you can do. He will get better with secure attachment and no more traumatic events.”

“Okay.” 

When they got home from the office David went to google; “How much trauma do you have to go through to develop a dissociative disorder?”

“I don’t think you can measure trauma, Dave.” Amy asked when she noticed what he was doing.

“I just... I feel so bad for him.”

“Me too.” Amy agreed. “But he’ll have a good life here.”

David sighed. “I guess that’s all we can do.”

“It is. And, be there for him as he learns this about himself.”

David nodded. “I can do that.

…

Lafayette held back his panic as he was driven to Dr. Miranda’s office. He had to imitate Alex perfectly. This doctor was onto them… He couldn’t get Alex to take control. George couldn’t even reach Alex. Okay, stay calm.

He walked into the office and sat across from Dr. Miranda. How does Alex sit? Hopefully what he was doing was close enough…

“Hello, Alex”

“Hi.” Is that what Alex would say?

“So, can you tell me what happened last week?”

“What do you mean?”

“Last week at our session.”

“You said that I was… Dissociating?” He said, 

Dr. Miranda nodded. “What else happened?”

Lafayette said what he thought was the answer as best he could. Please don’t notice…

“So, what do you like to be called?” She asked when he was finished speaking.

“What?” He asked, shocked. “Alex, I guess.”

“No, what do YOU like to be called?” Dr. Miranda repeated.

Oh, no… She’s onto me. Lafayette thought. “I don’t understand.” He faked.

“Some people with dissociative disorders have alternative states of consciousness- meaning that there are more than one person in one body.”

This was something that happened to other people? It wasn’t just them? 

“Do not tell her.” George ordered. “We can’t trust her.”

Lafayette bit his tongue. “So, what would you do if I had that?”

“Well, the goal would be good communication. So that everyone living in your body would get along.”

Lafayette nodded. “You wouldn’t lock me away somewhere?”

“No. There is no reason to do that.”

He wanted to say something. He wanted to tell her that he was there, that his name was Lafayette and that they needed help but… He couldn’t.

He just couldn’t.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading and for your feedback! As always, please tell me if anything is inaccurate!

Soon after, as Amy and David were sitting in the living room relaxing Alex walked up to them. “Are you going to return me if I have that disorder?” He mumbled.

Amy and David looked at him shocked. “Of course not.” Amy answered.

“You’re part of the family, Alex.” David agreed.

“Okay.” Alex said, not totally believing it. He held in his tears, it was all too good to be true. 

“Oh, Alex.” Amy said gently. 

Clearly he wasn’t doing a good enough job hiding his emotions.

Both parents stood and hugged Alex.

Maybe he could believe them… If only to give himself hope.

…

“No.”

“George, she can help us.” Lafayette argued.

“No. She will tell Alex and Alex canNOT know.”

“But we are in a good place now.”

“You and I both know what happens when we think that.”

Lafayette sighed. “Fine.”

…

“I believe you have dissociative identity disorder.” Dr. Miranda said.

“What’s that?” Alex asked.

Doctor Miranda was woefully unprepared to explain something this complex to a child that couldn’t be more than nine years old; but she did her best. She just wanted him to stay calm.

“So… I’m not the one who is cutting me?”

“No, you’re not.”

Honestly, that made him feel better. Sure, that meant that someone else was doing it, but at least he wasn’t harming himself like that. “What do I do about it?”

“Well, we want to establish communication. So,” She opened a drawer. She pulled out a simple black notebook. “I want you to write in this journal every day like you are leaving letters for other people, because you are. They may not respond at first, but this will help them come forward and admit that they are there.”

Alex nodded. “I can do that.”

“And if you hear anyone talking, try saying something back. The other people that have this disorder say it helps them communicate if they say things out loud.”

“Okay.”

…

Um, hi. This is Alex. I know that you’re there and I want to be your friend so please write in this book too!

Hi, I just came back from that daydream so I know that someone else was here but it’s okay that you didn’t say anything! It can be scary to talk to people. I know you are there.

This is Alex again! Please write back. I’m scared and I just want to know who you are.

When Lafayette read that last note and frowned. “George, I don’t think we are doing the right thing.”

“No. Alex can’t know.”

“He already knows.”

“No, he just thinks that we are here, he doesn't know for sure. If we stay hidden he will give up.”

“George we’re scaring him.”

“He doesn't understand.”

“Then we should tell him so he can understand.”

“No, Laf.” George commanded. 

“I don’t understand why he can’t know.”

“Because with all that we’ve been through, he couldn’t function. Imagine if he knew all that you did and hercules and Aaron and Thomas. He can’t know.”

Lafayette sighed. “But he didn’t go through it. It’s different.”

“It’s too much.”

“Fine.”

…

“Hello?” Alex spoke out loud. “I know you’re there.” He said.

George stayed still. He said nothing.

“I know you’re scared.” Alex continued. “That’s okay, I’m scared too.”

George held his breath. Please stop talking, he thought.

“And I know you might not be ready to talk yet. And that’s okay too.” Alex said. “But I think things are better when you have friends to help. I know that you are in that daydream- I mean, inner world.”

A pause. George refused to talk.

“You’ll talk to me in the inner world but not out here, and I don’t understand that.” Alex sighed. “Well, goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Alex.” George mumbled. 

Alex didn’t seem to notice.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your feedback! As always, please tell me if anything is inaccurate.

“Alex?” A voice called.

George got up from his chair and walked back into Dr. Miranda’s office. He sat down in the chair that clearly was not meant for children and waited patiently for Dr. Miranda to speak.

“How have you been, Alex?”

George took a deep breath. “Why do you think it’s a good idea to tell Alex?”

Dr. Miranda’s demeanor changed slightly. “Oh, hello. I am Doctor Miranda. What’s your name?”

George shook his head. “I know who you are. Why do you think it is a good idea to tell Alex?”

“Well, you, Alex, and all those that share one body should communicate with one another. This will help you do day to day tasks, and to live better lives as parts of one whole.”

“Alex needs to stay free of trauma.” George argued.

“I’m sure you know about the one that hurts the body, right? Alex waking up to self inflicted injuries without having done them is very traumatic.”

“He’d wake up with those anyway.”

“I can help with that, too.” Dr. Miranda argued.

George scoffed.

“I know it seems far fetched, but we have treatments for trauma and for self harm behaviors like the ones that you are experiencing. If you let Alex know, we can begin the process of stopping that all together.”

George looked at her skeptically.

“I can help. At least consider it.”

George didn’t quite believe her, but he nodded. He’d think about it.

…

Journal entry: How was Dr. Minrada’s office? I know that one of you went because I don’t remember it.

No reply.

Alex sighed and shut the journal. She said this would take time but… He was running out of patience. Was she wrong? Dissociative identity disorder would explain so much but… What if he had something else?

He sighed. He’d keep leaving notes and talking out loud… It couldn’t hurt, at least.

…

“Are you familiar with dissociative identity disorder?” Dr Miranda asked Amy and David.

“No.”

Amy shook her head.

“Are you familiar with multiple personality disorder?”

“Somewhat.” David replied.

“Alex has that.” 

“Really? But he doesn't seem like it.” Amy was clearly surprised.

“That’s the idea behind it. It is a hidden disorder because it is a survival mechanism.”

“That’s horrible.” David said.

“That poor kid.” Amy agreed.

“What do we do?”

“Keep doing what you’re doing, providing a safe place and secure attachment. This is going to be very difficult on Alex, and he’s going to need you to be there for him. Make sure that he and all the others know that they are welcome and they are loved.”

“Yeah, we can do that.”

…

Journal entries:

Mom and Dad say that they are okay with all of us. You can come out and talk with them if you want, they’re very nice.

Hello, I see that no one has replied. I hope that you are reading these entries. I can hear you talking sometimes, but you never reply to me. I want to talk with you.

I know that you’re there. What’s your name?

What kinds of things do you like to do?

Please answer me. 

My name is Alex and I like to write and I like school, there are so many books there!

Hi, Alex. My name is George.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading and for all your lovely comments! Please tell me if anything is inacurate.

A reply. 

A reply! 

A note that Alex didn’t write!

Yes! This is great, he was so excited to tell Dr. Miranda next time he saw her.

Sure, all he got was a name but at least he knew that there were others! He had so many questions for George. 

‘Hi George, I’m Alex! Tell me about yourself.’ He wrote.

“Actually, I’m here.” George said. Alex already knew. Hopefully this was the right choice…

Alex gasped and looked around, as if he would be able to see George. “Oh, hello!”

“I am usually nearby.”

“Are you the one that I hear sometimes?”

“Yes.”

“Wow. It’s good to finally meet you!”

“It’s good to meet you too.”

“So, uh, would you be willing to answer some questions, George?”

“That depends.”

“So, uh, what do you do?”

“I stand guard to try and control who takes over the body.”

Alex nodded. “I think there’s a word for that.” He grabbed a book off his dresser. “Gatekeeper.” He read aloud.

“That sounds right.” George agreed. 

“So then… Why does that one that hurts me come out?”

“There are two.”

“Two?”

George nodded. “I’m sorry, I can’t control them well. I try to hold them back but… They usually get past me.”

Alex nodded. “It does say that gatekeepers only help control who fronts.”

“Fronts?” 

“Takes control of the body.”

“Ah.”

“So the inner world is that place with the tents, right?”

“Yeah, I guess you’d call it an inner world.”

“It’s that or head space.”

“I like inner world.”

“Me too.”

“So how many alters are there?”

No response.

“George?”

Silence

Alex sighed. “That’s okay, maybe some other time then. Thanks for talking with me.”

…

“Oh sorry,” Alex said. “I didn’t realize how long I was talking.”

Jack was pulled harshly from his intense focus on the conversation. “Huh?” He looked outside, it was dark. “Oh wow.”

“Yeah, sorry.” Alex repeated sheepishly.

“Oh, no not at all.” Jack said quickly. “I’m happy to listen.”

Alex nodded. “Thank you. It’s probably best we go to bed anyway, I have class in the morning.”

“Oh, okay yeah.”

“We’ll talk more later.”

“Sounds good.” Jack agreed, hiding his disappointment. He really did want to know more about Alex, and he was finally getting some information! He felt like he knew Alex before, and he did, but he felt so much closer to him now.

Hopefully Alex felt the same.

…

“Last night went well.” George commented. 

Alex locked the door behind him. “I think so, too.”

“I’m glad we told you.”

Alex smiled. “That’s good to hear. I’m glad you told me, too.”

George nodded. “I wonder what would have happened if we stayed silent.”

“Dr. Miranda is pretty good.” Alex replied as he walked down the hall.

“She was onto us pretty quick.” George agreed.

“I do wonder what I would be doing if we were never adopted.”

“Probably smuggling drugs or something.”

Alex nodded. “Probably.” He walked out of the hallway and onto the campus. “Do you ever wonder what it’s like?”

“Smuggling drugs?”

“No.” Alex laughed “Being a singleton.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever given it much thought.”

Alex nodded. “That's probably for the best. We couldn’t change it anyway.”

“For what it’s worth, I wouldn’t change it even if I could.”

“I wouldn’t either.”


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so, so much for reading and for your feedback! As always, please tell me if anything is inaccurate.

“So, did you have any other questions?”

“Well, can you tell me about all the alters?”

Alex paused for a moment, making Jack considered he accidentally asked a not-okay question.

“I’ll tell you their names and stuff like that, but I think it’s best you learn from them directly.”

Jack nodded. “That sounds good.”

“So, uh…” Alex said, “Sorry. I guess I just don’t know who to start with.” A pause. “You know what? I’ll go in the order we think they were created.”

“Okay.”

“Well, Lafayette is the primary protector. Did he tell you that? Whatever. He’s been around since forever. You already know a lot about him, though.

“We think Aaron was next. The, uh, trauma that created him started young. Former persecutor and all that. And, next time you see him, tell him I give him permission to tell his full story.”

Full story? Didn't he already know the full story? “Okay.”

“Then Hercules.” Alex continued. “He was created to protect us, well, in a very specific way. I’m sorry it’s not my place to say. He doesn't like to talk about it. He flirts a lot, like a lot a lot, but if you ask him to stop he will.”

“How did he learn to cook?”

“He just likes food, so he learned to cook. None of the other alters care too much about food, so no one else bothered to learn.”

“Ah, that makes sense.” Jack nodded.

“Then it was Eliza.” Alex continued. “Did you ever meet her?”

Her? Sure, he had read that alters could have different genders than the sex of the body, but he thought that all Alex’s alters were male. “No, not yet.”

Alex nodded. “She’s amazing.” He smiled. “She’s so kind and gentle. She’s the system caregiver. She’s the one that I’m closest to. We talk all the time.”

Jack nodded. 

“And we have two littles.” Alex continued. “Do you know what littles are?”

“Yeah, alters under, like, ten right?”

Alex nodded. “Theodosia and Phillip. They’re pretty typical children. We have coloring books and stuffed toys for them.” Alex explained. “Only Theodosa holds trauma, she won’t talk about it though. Phillip is a sweet kid. They both are.”

“Have I met them?”

Alex shook his head. “They don’t front around strangers. Or around people that don’t know about them. Eliza cares for them both.”

“Are they her kids?”

“Phillip is.” Alex answered. “But Theodosa is Aaron’s kid.”

“Really?”

Alex nodded. “Persecutors can have kids.”

“Huh.”

“He’s a surprisingly good father, all things considered.”

“And George?”

“George is a pretty recent addition to the group. He was created when I was like…Seven? Maybe? He’s the gatekeeper. We probably had issues with the wrong alter fronting at the wrong time and that’s how he came about, we think.”

Jack nodded. 

“Let’s see,” he mumbled to himself. “Laf, Aaron, Hercules, Eliza, Theodosa, Phillip, George…” He counted on his fingers. “Right, Thomas.” Alex realized. “We have no idea when he was created, what trauma he holds, or anything about him, really. He’s a persecutor. That’s all we know.”

“Someone mentioned that he had gotten better.”

“Oh, a lot better.” Alex agreed. “He fronts less now and listens to George more. He usually only fronts when we’re with Dr Miranda, our psychiatrist. And he doesn't cut as much as he used to.”

Jack glanced at Alex’s arms.

“Trust me, he’s done worse.”

“Wow.”

“I know.” Alex agreed. “And, when you see any of the others again, tell them I give permission to tell whatever they want. I'll write it in the journal as well.”

“Okay.” Jack nodded. 

“That’s part of our agreement, no one can tell anyone else’s story, and I have to approve it before anything big is talked about. After all, I’m the one that has to deal with other people knowing what happened to us.”

“It’s nice you have that agreement.”

“We have more than that. No one is allowed to get any tattoos without the prior approval of everyone but Thomas and the littles, I’m the only one that cuts our hair, no sex without condoms, no telling secrets, make sure we’re where we need to be regardless of who is fronting, no hurting the body, not that Thomas cares, and we all pretend like we’re one person.”

“That’s a lot of rules.”

Alex shrugged. “Most of them are safety based.”

“I have another question.”

“Shoot.”

“Why tell me now? I mean, why not before or why tell me at all? Why now specifically?”

“It doesn't matter now.”


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone that has been reading! As always, please tell me if anything is inaccurate.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING THAT IS ALSO A SPOILER - suicide

Lafayette sat up and yawed. He stretched and looked around. Great. He was back out. How boring. He got up and grabbed the journal off the desk.

“I give full permission for everyone to tell Jack whatever they like. I also gave this information to him.”

Shit.

Now Jack was gonna ask. Hopefully he would respect Laf saying no. “Is anyone there?” He mumbled.

“I am.” George replied.

“Good. Is Alex nearby? We have class in a couple of hours.”

“I’ll see if I can reach him.”

“Thanks.” Laf put the journal down and decided to check his wounds. To his surprise, they weren’t covered anymore, and seemed mostly healed.

Time flies when you’re angry, I suppose.

He grabbed out clothes for the day and went to shower. Once he was finished, he heard a voice:

“I can take over if you’d like. I know how much you hate school.”

Lafayette sighed harshly. “Go away, Aaron.”

“Wow, hate me more than being the host, huh?” Aaron responded.

“You know why.”

“And you know why you shouldn’t be so mad.”

“I will be as angry as I need to be.”

“Fine. Have fun in class.”

Lafayette sighed once more, this time in defeat rather than frustration. “I’m sorry. You’re a protector now.”

“So, is that a yes?”

…

How did Alex always get up so damn early? This was the one time a week Jack had to wake up at the same time as Alex and he was already up. Jeez, morning people.

Jack got up and stretched. Stupid school. Stupid morning. Stupid….

He was distracted by the opening of the bathroom door. 

“Oh, hey. Who’s out?”

“Aaron.”

“Long time no see.”

“Could say the same to you. How have you been?”

“Pretty good, all things considered. And you?”

“Been spending most of my time with Thomas.”

“How’s that been going?”

“Eh, could be better.” Aaron shrugged. “Anyway, we gotta get to class.”

“See you later, then.” Jack said.

“Maybe, maybe not.” Aaron joked.

…

“Alex!” Eliza yelled as she ran to hug him. “I’m so sorry, the others wouldn’t let me-”

“I know.” Alex interrupted, hugging her. “I know you would have been there if you could.”

Eliza began to cry. “I’m so, so sorry I-”

“No, Eliza. You have nothing to apologize for. It went well. Everything is good.” Alex reassured.

“Okay.” Eliza sniffled.

The only thing worse than being alone was having Eliza be upset.

…

Aaron dropped his bad on the floor once he returned to the dorm. 

“Hey.” Jack said, he was sitting at the table on his laptop. “Is it Aaron?”

“Lucky guess.” Aaron joked. “How was class?”

“Boring. Yours?”

“Fine.” Aaron shrugged. He sat across from Jack. “Did Alex tell you about me?”

“He didn’t break any rules, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“You’re too smart.” Aaron smiled. “I hope you’re not just covering for him.”

“I’m not.”

Aaron nodded. “Okay.”

“So, uh, Alex wanted me to tell you that you have permission to tell me your full story.”

Aaron froze. He looked at Jack in shock, then forced himself to relax. “Did he?”

Jack nodded. An awkward pause followed. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to though.” Jack clarified.

Aaron stared out the window and did not respond. After a few minutes he broke the silence:

“I tried to kill the body once.”


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading and fro your feedback! As always, please tell me if anything is inaccurate. 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS - Suicide, description of suicide, suicidal thoughts, failed suicide, gun violence, murder

Jack stared in stunned silence. “You… What?”

“Shot us.” Aron said simply. He never took his gaze away from the window. “Right here.” He pointed to the lower left side of his chest. “Obviously that wasn’t what I was aiming for.”

Jack stared at him in utter disbelief.

“We were so young, ten. I was just sick of this. Sick of everything. Sick of Alex. I hated Alex so much I thought; ‘I’ve got control of him. I can do whatever I want. I could kill him right here, right now.’”

“Uh, did you… Uh…”

“Understand I would die too?” Aaron completed the statement. “Honestly, I don’t think it mattered. Someone would die. That was the goal.” Aaron sighed. “The gun was too big. Whatever one I found with the smugglers. I couldn’t hold it right to shoot us in the head so… I pressed it against our heart. It slipped, shot us right between the ribs instead.” Aaron confessed.

“All I remember after that was pain. Awful, awful pain. Then there was yelling, guess the smugglers heard the gunshot.” Aaron recalled. “Someone must have driven us to the hospital. They probably felt bad a kid was dying.”

Jack stared in shock. 

“I switched out half way through the ride. I think Alex took over, he’ll have to tell you the rest.”

“Oh, wow, I-”

“There’s no need to respond. I know that’s a lot of heavy information.” Aaron finally tore his gaze from the window. “The good news is that’s how we got adopted. While we were in recovery in the hospital we wrote a lot. One of the nurses insisted that she take the writing from us. Must have sent it somewhere and somehow Amy and David saw it.

“I try not to feel too guilty about it. I try and remember that I was in pain. That’s why I acted the way that I did. And I try to remember that it’s the reason we got adopted.” Aaron sighed. “It’s not always enough, though.”

“You still feel guilty?”

Aaron nodded. “We’re missing a part of a lung now because of me. Makes it hard to run for a long time or do any sports and stuff like that. At least no one in the system seems too interested in sports.”

“Wow.. That’s.. Wow.”

“Alex must think you’re real special if he wanted you to know about this.”

“Really?” Jack asked in shock.

Aaron nodded. “It’s not a story we tell people. I can’t say I enjoy telling it but… Alex really hates it when people know.”

“Do you know why?”

“I think it’s because it makes him look dangerous, or like a freak. After all, I did it because I wanted to kill him. To kill us. That makes me sound dangerous. I wouldn't hurt anyone else, though. I think he’s afraid that if people knew about me, about what I’ve done, about what I’m capable of… They would fear him. And the whole idea of multiple personalities is so stigmatized. On top of that, he did try to kill himself even if it wasn’t him. We’re separate people but we share the same core. He’s capable of doing what I did. We all are. They don’t like that.”

“Wow.”

“I still hate Alex, honestly.” Aaron confessed. “Even with therapy I still hate him.”

Jack looked concerned.

“Don’t worry; I’m not going to try and kill him again. I don’t really know why I hate him. I think it’s just because of what I was created to do. It’s nothing about Alex specifically, really. I just… Hate him. I don’t think I’ll ever get over that. But, at least I know that it’s not because of him. It just is.”

Jack sat quietly, clearly processing too much information at once.

Aaron sighed. “I know, it’s a lot. I hope this doesn't make you fear us.”

“No, of course not.” Jack said honestly.

Aaron smiled. “Good.”


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TAKE THE TRIGGER WARNINGS ON THIS CHAPTER SERIOUSLY
> 
> Thank you all for reading and for your feedback! As always, tell me if anything is inaccurate.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING- Suicide, hospital, gun violence, murder  
> TRIGGER WARNINGS THAT ARE ALSO SPOILERS- sexual abuse, sex trafficking, rape, child abuse, pedophelia

TRIGGER WARNINGS THAT ARE ALSO SPOILERS- sexual abuse, sex trafficking, rape, child abuse, pedophelia 

“Hey Jack.” Alex greeted him when he finally got up that morning. “It’s Alex.” 

“Oh, hey Alex.” Jack responded.

“Soooo..” Alex said awkwardly. “Aaron told you.”

Jack nodded. “He did.”

“So, uh, do you, uh-”

“I don’t think anything different.” Jack interrupted.

“Okay.” Alex sighed, relieved. “Okay, good.”

Jack nodded. It really didn’t change anything. Jack couldn’t claim to be completely free from suicidal thoughts himself. He had never attempted, grant it, but he had been close far too many times.

“I woke up on the way to the hospital.” Alex spoke suddenly. “I just remember being in pain… There were people I didn’t know with me and I had no idea what was happening. After I woke up from surgery the cops came and asked if I knew who shot me. I told them I didn’t remember.

“It wasn’t long after that I was sent here. I didn’t even know that Aaron did it for another year or so. Once we had found all the alters in the system Dr. Miranda wanted to work on getting the persecutors under control first. Aaron was fairly easy to reach, so we worked on him first.”

“I’m glad that you were able to get help.”

“Me too.”

…

Ah, Saturday. Saturdays were nice seeing as no one had anything to do. Hercules was out and already preparing breakfast. He loved to cook, especially for other people. Especially when those “other people” were Jack.

Did Jack like oatmeal? Hopefully he did. Hercules chopped up some strawberries and started up the stove.

It wasn’t long before Jack stepped out of the room. “Hercules?” He asked.

“You know it.” Hercules smiled.

Jack smiled back. “Good to see you.”

“Same to you! Breakfast?”

“Sounds good. Thank you.”

“No problem.”

Once breakfast was over, they sat in silence. The atmosphere was thick, and Jack wasn’t sure why.

Hercules sighed. “I know Alex gave permission.”

“Oh, he did.” Jack nodded. “But, you don’t have to.”

Hercules paused. “I don’t like to talk about… Why I exist.”

“That’s fine.”

“Did Alex tell you… Why we told you?”

Jack shook his head. “He said it didn’t matter now.”

“Ah.” Hercules responded.

A pause.

“I should tell you.” Hercules decided. “I just want to get it out of the way.”

“You don’t have to.” Jack reassured.

Hercules flashed a small, forced smile that quickly faded away. “I hold… sexual trauma.” He began. “When we were young… We lived on the streets. Sometimes people would… Just right there. In the street. People walked by. No one cared.”

Jack sat in stunned silence. 

“The worst was when we were… Taken. We were thrown into some van and stayed in a room where people… Visited. We were there for a month or so, then we escaped. I think Laf got us out. Every time we had a visitor I would front. I would deal with, well, whatever they did. 

“I had no idea what they were doing was bad. I had no idea that it was wrong or that something truly awful was happening to me. I thought that it was normal. I know it wasn’t now, of course. The worst part was… I liked it.

“I liked the attention. I liked the feeling. I still do. I know that I shouldn’t but… I do.” Hercules sighed. “I wish I wasn’t like this. Dr. Miranda says that this is common for children who suffer through… My kind of abuse. We internalize it to make it seem less awful. I know that I shouldn’t enjoy the… Harassment we sometimes get but… I do.”

“Wow. I- That’s- I’m so sorry.” Jack stuttered.

Hercules sighed. “I don’t like talking about it. Mostly because of how other people react. I hear it often, ‘If you liked it, it wasn’t…’” He couldn’t bring himself to say the word. “But it was. I know it was. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone else. Enjoying being… But, then again, the alternative doesn't sound any better.” He looked at Jack’s sympathetic face. “Explains a lot about me, huh?”

“Well, yeah, kind of.”

Hercules nodded. “I hope you don’t think we’re… dirty… because of that.”

“Of course not!”

Hercules visibly relaxed. “Good. I would hate to be the reason that you…” he paused. Rejected would give away too much… “disliked us.” 

“Over something you couldn’t control?”

Hercules sighed. “People are awful sometimes.”

“You never know.” Jack agreed.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No trigger warnings for this chapter! Thank you for reading, and as always please tell me if anything is innaccurate.

“I’m so excited to meet him!” Eliza said aloud as she walked into the dorm building.

“You’ve met him before.” Alex joked.

“Well, yeah, but now I officially get to meet him!”

Alex smiled. “I’m sure he’ll love you.”

Eliza opened the door, but she couldn’t see anyone. 

“He’s probably still in class or something.”

“You’re probably right.” She agreed. “Wow, this place is filthy!”

“What?” 

“Yeah! There is dust everywhere!”

Alex laughed. “That’s not that big of a deal.”

Eliza gasped. “Yes it is!” She grabbed a mop from the corner of the room. “I’ll clean up this place for you.”

“Thank you, Eliza.”

Eliza hummed as she mopped. She bounced slightly, like she was listening to music even though she wasn’t. As she danced she didn’t even realize the door had opened.

“Hello.” Jack said gently. “Have we met before?”

“Jack!” Eliza shouted happily. She dropped the mop and hugged him. He was clearly surprised, but hugged her back. “It’s so good to meet you!” She stepped back from him. “Hi, I’m Eliza.”

“Oh, Alex told me about you.”

“All good things, I hope.” Eliza smiled.

“Have we met before?”

“Oh, yes. I usually front when someone else is upset. So pretty much every time you were feeling down, that was me.”

“Oh, okay.”

“I’m sorry if that’s weird.” Eliza apologized.

“It’s fine. I just.. I thought it was Alex, you know.”

Eliza sighed. “I’m sorry.”

Jack shook his head. “No, don’t be.” He corrected. “Thank you for being there for me.”

Eliza lit up. “It’s no trouble!”

“So, tell me about yourself Eliza.” Jack said as he took a seat at the table. 

Eliza sat across from him. “Well, I’m the system caregiver. I spend most of my time in the inner world with Philip and Theodosa. The others visit sometimes, usually when they’re emotionally or physically hurt. Sometimes they just stop by to say hi, though.”

Jack nodded along. Alters could be physically hurt in the inner world?

“We think I’m an intoject of someone who was nice to us. None of us really remember her, but I’m so different from the others we think that’s why.”

“Does it bother you? Being an introject?”

Eliza shrugged. “Not really. I have a good life in the system. It’s too bad that I’ll never get to have a real world life but…” Eliza’s mood dropped. “But we all have to deal with our lot in life.” She shook off the sadness she was feeling and continued; “And I love hearing the stories from Alex.”

“Stories?”

“Yeah. When we were younger Alex used to vist the inner world more often. Every time he did he would tell me stories about the world. He’d tell me about the things he did and the things he read.” Eliza sighed. “I knew our world was fake. I did. But I didn’t really want to believe that. I wanted to believe that our inner world was as real as this one. I loved to learn about the outside world so that I could convince myself that I had a place in the outside world, too.”

“You have a place here.”

Eliza smiled. “This is Alex’s life. I know it’s supposed to be all of ours, but I don't feel like it's my world. I am glad I have the inner world, it’s fulfilling. It gives me purpose.”

“I’m glad to hear it. For what it’s worth, Alex speaks highly of you.”

“He and I are very close.” Eliza nodded. “But he wants a life here in the world.”

Wait, what? He didn’t realize they were THAT close! He nodded, showing no signs of his shock.

“He’ll find someone, whoever they might be, and he’ll have a good life. I hope that the rest of us are allowed to be part of that.”

“Why wouldn’t you be?”

Eliza sighed. “It’s silly fears, really. That I’ll go dormant or that he’ll not tell whoever he ends up with, or something like that. It’s silly, but it still scares me.”

“I think those are valid fears.”

Eliza smiled gently. “Thank you.” She paused, thought on her face. “You are allowed to say no...” She began. “And I don’t want you to feel pressured, and again you can say no, but do you think it would be okay if the littles fronted here? In the dorm? You can say no!”

Jack was surprised by the question. “Is that something you can control?”

“Well, sometimes. The littles won’t front around people that don’t know about the system and George has quite a bit of control over them.”

“So, why are you asking?”

“Well, if they had to pretend to be Alex then it would defeat the whole purpose of letting them out. They get restless if they don’t get to come out sometimes, but we can deal with that! You know, if you’re not comfortable.”

“I wouldn’t mind.” Jack agreed.

“Thank you.”


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I don't think I've ever had a chapter that people were this hyped for! I sure hope I don't disappoint. 
> 
> Thank you all for reading and for your feedback! As always, please tell me if anything is inaccurate.

Alex walked over to his desk. It was a pretty easy day and they had no real plans, but he wanted to see what happened while he was away. The journal entries were pretty normal but one thing stood out; “Jack gave permission for the littles to front.”

“What?” Alex shouted out loud. “George, I need to speak with Eliza.” Alex said through gritted teeth.

“Alex-” George tried to soothe him.

“No.” Alex interrupted. “Get. Eliza.”

George sighed. “I’ll try and get her.”

Alex sat on his bed. At least Jack was out to the store or whatever. He was so pissed.

“Hey Alex.” Eliza said as she approached.

“Do not encourage the littles to come out.” Alex said sternly.

Eliza sighed. “They get restless without time in the body! Besides, they’re alters too so they’re-”

“No. They are not entitled to time in the body. They will put us in danger if they are let out!”

“Alex, you’re being dramatic. You know they’re both mature-”

“No, Eliza!” Alex shouted.

That was the first thing that Jack heard when he walked through the door. He placed his groceries on the counter.

“They’re children, who knows what they’ll do!”

“Alex.” Eliza’s voice was serious. “That’s not what this is about.”

Alex gritted his teeth. 

“Don’t you think it’s better for Jack to meet them now rather than later?”

“I don’t want him to meet them at all.” Alex confessed.

“They’re part of you, Alex.” Eliza reminded him. “He would have to meet them eventually.”

Alex gritted his teeth, he took a moment to respond; “I’m scared, Eliza.”

Eliza didn’t reply, encouraging him to keep talking.

“I’m scared that once he meets them he’ll… Think differently of me. It was doubtful that he felt the same way about me before all of this and even more so now but… Meeting Philip and Theodosa might be the final nail in the coffin.”

“And if it is, it’s good you find out now.”

Alex sighed. “I’m sorry for getting mad.”

“Don’t be. I’m worried too.”

Jack started to put away his groceries, pretending like he didn’t hear all of that.

…

Jack unlocked the door. Man, today was borning. Boring school, boring work… Why did he even want to be a lawyer? He sighed. What else would he do anyway?

He walked into the bedroom section of the dorm only to see Alex at his desk. He turned to place his backpack on his bed, “Hey, Alex. I mean-” He corrected “Who’s out?”

Silence. He turned around to see Alex still hunched over his desk.

“Hey, I’m Jack.” He continued, speaking as gently as possible. “What’s your name.”

“I’m Phillip.” A mumble came back.

Ah, one of the littles. “Hi, Phillip.” Jack greeted. “It’s nice to meet you.” He looked at the crayon scribbles on the paper in front of Phillip. “What are you doing?”

“Writing.” Phillip mumbled.

“Oh, that’s cool. What are you writing?”

“Poetry.”

“That’s awesome!” Jack said. He always thought he was good with kids, guess it was time to see if he was right.

Phillip lit up. He grabbed his scribbled paper and handed it to Jack. “Wanna read it?”

“Sure I do!” Jack smiled. He took the paper.

mY name is Phillip  
i am a poeit   
i wrote this powm just to show it

Wow, not that great at it. Or at spelling… “That’s great!” Jack smiled.

Phillip smiled back. “I wanna be a real poet some day!”

“That’s a great idea!”

Phillip nodded. He suddenly gasped and grabbed his -or Alex’s- laptop. “Will you help me with this?”

“Oh sure.” Jack took the laptop. “What about it?”

“It has cartoons on it! I don’t know how it works, though. Angelica usually set it up for me but we live here now.”

“Okay.” Jack said as he opened the computer.

“System. The word it wants is system.”

“Oh, okay.” Phillip was like… nine right? Nine year olds can work computers. Why couldn’t he? Was it to do with the inner world being in the past? Guess that’s another question to ask Alex later. The desktop opened up and he spotted a folder clearly labeled cartoons. Good, it was at least easy to get to. He opened the folder and put on some kid’s cartoon he didn’t recognize. 

“Thank you, Jack.” He smiled as he grabbed a blanket off Alex’s bed. He wrapped himself up in it and leaned against the wall. “I can see why Alex likes you so much.”


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading and for your comments! Please tell me if anything is inaccurate!

He should probably say something. He should probably say “I’m really sorry I heard your fight with Eliza and I know you have a crush on me and I like you too.” but… 

His thoughts were interrupted when the door opened. 

“Oh, hey. Uh-”

“It’s Alex.” Alex interrupted.

“Hey, Alex.”

“Hi, Jack.” Alex said, rather coldly.

Maybe he had a long day? Was he angry with Jack? Should he say something?

Alex sat in the chair across from Jack. He sighed. “So… You met Phillip.”

“Oh, yeah!” Jack smiled.

Alex looked confused. “Was it okay?”

“Well, sure.” Jack shrugged. “Phillip is a sweet kid.”

“So, do you, uh… Think differently of me? Now? After meeting him?”

Jack looked genuinely confused. “No. Why would I?”

In an instant, all the tension left Alex’s body. “Okay, good.”

“I really am fine with all your alters, Alex.” Jack said. “I know my initial reaction was… Not great, but I really am fine with it.”

Alex nodded, looking unconvinced.

“So,” Jack said, wanting to change the subject. “Phillip didn’t know how to use a computer.”

“Yeah, the inner world is set in the past. Did I tell you this? It’s all pre industrial so only the alters that front often really understand the technology out here. Laf, Hercules, and I all understand it. And Eliza is pretty smart so she can figure it out.”

“Yeah, you mentioned the inner world being in the past.” Jack nodded. “I guess I just didn’t realize that meant the alters couldn’t use computers.”

Alex nodded. “Thanks for helping him.” 

“No problem.” Jack shrugged. “He seemed shy.” He added.

“He is at first.” Alex agreed. “It may take him a while to be himself around you. Hopefully not too long, since he knows that you know.”

“Will I get to meet Theodosa?”

“Probably.” Alex answered. “If she fronts it will be here.”

Jack nodded. “Aside from her, I think I’ve met everyone.”

“I think you have.” Alex agreed. “So, any new questions?”

Jack paused. Did he? Oh how about- “What happens when you get into a fight with an Alter?”

“We talk it out.” Alex said simply. “We try not to shout, but I’ll admit I don’t have the best self control. We try and understand one another’s perspective on things. Being part of a system has forced all of us to get some pretty great communication skills.”

“I imagine that you would have to.” Jack nodded.

“Yeah. Sharing a body is not easy, but we manage.”

“I couldn’t even imagine what it must be like.”

“Honestly, I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to not have other people sharing one body.”

“It’s all you’ve ever known.” Jack agreed. “Did it… take you a while to accept your alters?”

Alex nodded. “As the host, this world is seen as my world and this life is seen as my life, so when We first started communicating it felt like other people were taking my life. At first it wasn’t so bad, since I finally had an explanation for my “daydream” as I used to call it, but it got harder over time to accept that other people were also entitled to time in this world and this body.” Alex sighed. “I’m glad that I did, though. We have a good life.”

“Did I ever thank you for telling me?”

“What? I don’t think so.”

“Well, thank you for telling me about your DID. For trusting me with it.”

Alex smiled. “Thank you for understanding.”

Jack chuckled awkwardly. “Well, now anyway.”

Alex laughed. “Yes.”


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading and for your feedback! Please tell me if anything is inaccurate.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING- “evil alter”, State v Milligan, insanity, no talk about the r*pe that happened but it is alluded to.

“And what defence did he use?” The professor asked. 

Charlie raised his hand. “It was the alter’s fault.”

“Correct.” The professor said. “And how did the trial go?”

“Insanity plea.”

“Very good.” The professor nodded. 

Alex squirmed in his seat. He knew about the 1978 case of State v Milligan, but he hated talking about it. Most systems weren’t like that. His wasn’t! He wasn’t capable of something that awful, none of his alters were. But that’s how he was seen by society. 

Insane.

He bit his lip, repeating “don’t cry” in his head over and over and over… Until he was pulled into the inner world. He looked up. “George?”

“Sorry, I don’t think you should be out for this.” George said.

“Who did you send?”

“Aaron.”

Alex nodded. “Yeah, he can probably handle it better than me.”

“Oh, he can.” George agreed.

Alex smiled slightly. “Yeah.” 

…

Aaron rested his head in his hand. Man, being a protector was so much more work than being a persecutor. Now he had to listen to this garbage about DID. Sure, this case happened, but it was a rare case. Even at his worst, Aaron never would have done anything like that. No alter would, especially Hercules. It was a core thing. None of them had that in their core. They just didn’t.

“Man, that whole multiple personality thing sounds so scary.” Charlie said to Aaron.

Aaron looked over to him “It’s not.”

Charlie looked surprised. “How would you know?”

“I know people with it.” This was true, after all they had all sorts of internet support groups and had met many other systems.

“Wait, you know people like that?”

“No.” Aaron said simply. “But I do know people who have multiple personalities.”

Charlie stared at him in shock.

Aaron stared back.

Charlie eventually went back to taking notes.

…

“Hey, uh, who is it?”

“It’s Aaron.”

“Oh, hey Aaron.” Jack said enthusiastically.

“Hello.”

“Tough day?”

Aaron nodded. “We talked about the State v Milligan case.”

“The DID case?”

Aaron nodded. 

“Geez, no wonder Alex didn’t want to deal with that.”

“We wouldn’t do that, you know.”

“I know.” Jack agreed.

“Do you know how we’re so sure?”

“Core, right? You all share the same core. And if you aren’t capable of doing something at your core, then none of you are capable.”

Aaron nodded. “So you do know.”

“What… What do you think you are capable of? At your core? If you’re okay with answering that, that is.”

“Honestly the worst thing would be cheating on a partner.” Aaron replied simply. “We could probably do that. Well, except for Hercules. He’s all about loyalty. Don’t get me wrong, cheating is awful, but we couldn’t kill anyone or… anything awful like that.”

Jack nodded. “I guess in the grand scheme of things, cheating isn’t that bad.”

“Exactly.”

“So, uh, is anyone else there?” Jack asked awkwardly.

“Nope, sorry you’re stuck with me.” Aaron smiled.

Jack chuckled awkwardly. “No, I wanted to ask you something privately.”

Aaron’s smile faded. “What is it?”

“Well, uh, do you know why Alex decided to tell me?”

Aaron nodded. “It was a group decision.”

“Ah, right. Right of course.” Jack said awkwardly.

“I’m not going to tell you.” 

“Oh, no. No that’s not what I mean.”

Aaron raised an eyebrow.

“I mean, I kind of over heard Alex arguing with Eliza and I think I figured it out and I don’t know what to do about it.”

“And you’re telling me because…?”

“Because I don’t know who else to ask for advice, and you’re always so level-headed.”

Aaron nodded. “Sounds reasonable.”

“So I’m pretty sure he told me because he has… Feelings for me, or at least did, and I have feelings for him too, and I’m not really sure what to do about it.”

“You’ve definitely got a dilemma there.” Aaron agreed.

“So? What do I do?” Jack asked. 

Aaron paused in thought. “You should tell Alex.”

“What? Everything?”

Aaron nodded. “Everything. He’s an honesty type guy.”

“He won’t be upset with me?”

“Well, he’s not gonna like that you didn’t tell him sooner that you overheard and figured it out, but he’ll understand.”

Jack nodded. “Okay.”


	35. Chapter 35

Okay. Deep breath. Okay. This is fine. Okay. Alex better be the one that’s out when they get back because now Jack is all worked up.

Jack sprang to his feet at the sound of the door opening. 

“Hey, Jack. It’s Alex.” Alex said as he locked the door behind him.

“Hi Alex.” Jack’s voice betrayed his nervousness.

“Is everything okay?” Alex asked.

Jack nodded. “Everything is fine.”

Alex looked at him skeptically. 

“I just wanted to say that… I, well, I kinda sorta overheard you arguing with Eliza and I totally didn’t mean to but I did… And I know that you… Have feelings for me.”

Alex went pale. Shoot, he didn’t want Jack to reject him to his face! He just wanted to move on with life without having to deal with this!

“And, well, I… What I’m trying to say is will you go out with me?”

Alex’s brain flatlined. He thought of nothing, could hear no one, just a blank mind. After a moment he responded; “Wait really?”

“Really.” Jack replied.

“Oh, I, Um…” Alex took in a deep breath. “Yes.” He said. “Yes, I would love to go out with you.”

“Really? That’s great! Uh,” Jack said awkwardly. “Now what?”

Alex giggled. “We’re so awkward.”

Jack smiled. Alex’s laugh became a bit stronger, and Jack joined in. Soon enough, the two were laughing hysterically together. 

…

“So… How does dating with DID work?” Jack asked. 

“Some of the other Alters might want to date you too.” Alex nodded. “But some are aromantic, so don’t take it personally if they don’t want to.”

“Ah, that makes sense.” Jack agreed.

“Hercules will definitely want to date you.” Alex said absentmindedly.

“Oh, okay.”

“Probably not Aaron, who knows with Thomas, not George, maybe Eliza, and maybe Laf.”

“Laf? Really?”

Alex nodded. “Maybe.”

“Huh.”

“Are you okay with dating more than one of us?”

“Sure.” Jack shrugged. “I think it would be fine.”

“Okay good. It’s not fair to the others to not be allowed to date, and not fair to you that each alter has a different partner.”

“It’s not fair to the other partners, either.”

Alex nodded. “Exactly.”

“Do the others… Like me?”

“They do. Well, maybe not Laf.” Alex replied. “He was the only one that didn’t want to tell you. He doesn't talk about the system.”

“But he wanted to tell Dr. Miranda.” Jack pointed out. 

Alex nodded. “He did. Well, kind of. He wanted to tell me and Dr. Miranda gave him a way to do so. He saw it as necessary for me to know since we were in a safe place and we weren’t functioning very well.”

“What do you mean?”

“Thomas was coming out more than usual, and he was doing more harm.”

“Why?”

“We’re not really sure. It could be the stress of being in a new place, or because the body wasn’t being abused so that triggered… Someone to do it instead.”

“That’s awful.”

“It is.” Alex nodded. “I’ll write that we’re together in the journal now. Everyone will probably want to talk it over with you individually.”

Jack nodded. “That sounds good to me.”

Alex smiled. “Good.”


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! Please tell me if anything is inaccurate!

Jack was minding his own business when suddenly he was hugged from behind. “I’m glad all my flirting didn’t go to waste.”

Jack smiled and shook his head. “Hey, Hercules.”

“Hey yourself, hot stuff.” Hercules said as he let go.

“So, what are we?”

“I’d like to date you as well, if that’s alright with you.”

“Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good.”

“Awesome.” Hercules kissed him gently on the cheek. “I’ll try not to be overwhelming.”

“Overwhelming?”

Hercules smiled and stepped away. “I move quick. We’ll move at your pace.”

Jack nodded. “That sounds good to me.”

“Tell me if I cross any lines.”

“Sure.” Jack shrugged. 

“I’m serious.” Hercules said sternly. “Tell me.”

“I will.” Jack answered, with more authority this time.

“Good.” Hercules smiled.

Jack smiled back.

“Sooooo…” Hercules said. “Who’s your favorite?”

“Favorite what?”

“Alter.”

“I don’t have one.” Jack shrugged.

Hercules rolled his eyes. “Sure you don’t. Mine’s Laf.”

“Really?”

“Yep. We spend a lot of time together in the inner world.”

Jack nodded. “Sounds reasonable.”

“Do you not have a favorite or do you not want to tell the system?”

“I actually don’t have a favorite.”

“Huh.” Hercules said, sounding unconvinced.

Jack shrugged it off. It didn’t really matter if Hercules believed him or not. It was the truth either way.

…

“Thomas.” Aaron called. No anwer. “Thomas would you like to come out for dinner?” No answer. “Okay, I’ll be back later.”

Aaron walked away. He went over to the firepit where George was making stew. Hercules and Laf were both already there, laughing. 

“Hey, Aaron.” George greeted. 

Hercules and Laf turned around and waved. 

“Hey, guys.”

“No Thomas?” Hercules asked.

Aaron shook his head and sat on one of the logs.

After dinner, Aaron filled another bowl of soup.

“Still hungry?” George asked conversationally.

Aaron shook his head. “For Thomas.”

George nodded. “I hope you can get through to him.”

“Me too.”

…

“Thomas?” Aaron called. “I brought you food. Can I come in?”

“Yeah.” Thomas replied quietly.

“Hey Thomas.” Aaron greeted as he stepped inside. 

“What is it?”

“Beef soup.”

Thomas nodded. “Thank you.” He muttered, taking the bowl.

“How have you been?” Aaron asked, taking a seat.

“Fine.” Thomas replied.

Aaron nodded. “How have you been feeling?”

“Fine.”

“How’s writing been?”

“Fine.”

Well, at least he’s replying. Aaron thought. “You should come out and get some fresh air. You don’t have to talk with anyone.”

“No.”

“Alright.” Aaron shrugged. “Maybe some other time.”

…

“Is it okay if I tell my parents we’re together?” Alex asked.

“Oh, sure. Why wouldn’t it be?”

Alex shrugged. “Just wanted to be sure.”

“Okay.” Jack shrugged.

“I won’t be insulted if you don’t tell your family.”

Jack looked at him quizzically.

“You never talk about them, so I assume you aren’t very close.”

Jack sighed. “They don’t know that I’m… Gay.” He confessed.

Alex nodded silently.

“They’re all pretty religious. I don’t think they would… Approve? I guess? I mean, it won’t change anything. I’ll still be gay but… They won’t be happy about it.”

“I consider myself to be pan.” Alex said. “My family is fine with it. I know I’m one of the lucky ones.”

Jack nodded. “Your parents seem pretty great.”

“They really are the best.” Alex agreed. “Do you think you’ll ever tell your family?”

“I suppose one day I will have to.” 

“Yeah, you can’t pretend forever. It’s not healthy.”

“It’s not.” Jack sighed. “But I’m waiting until I’m financially independent.”

“Ah, that’s smart.” Alex agreed.

“I’m glad you’re not upset about that.”

“I completely understand.” Alex nodded.

“I guess we both have our secrets, huh?”

“We do.”


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! Please tell me if anything is inaccurate.

TRIGGER WARNING- persecutors, negative self talk, negative talk about DID,

“Oh, hang on, Angelica is gonna want to know about this. Angelica!” Amy shouted.

Alex giggled. “Alright.”

“What?” The faint voice of Angelica was heard through the phone.

“Come here! Alex has news!”

“Okay!” She yelled back. “Hey Alex.”

“Hi, Angelica.”

“So, what’s this exciting news?”

“I have a boyfriend.”

Angelica squealed.

“It’s my roommate.”

“Oh, it’s just like those corny stories!”

Alex rolled his eyes. “Yes, it is.”

“So, I’m assuming he knows?” Amy asked.

Alex nodded. “He knows.” 

“Okay, good.” 

“And the others are fine with it?” Angelica asked.

“Well, Phillip and Theodosa don’t really get a say, and Thomas won’t talk to us. But other than that, yes.”

“Also good.” Amy said.

“I’m so happy you have someone, Alex!”

“Me too.” Alex smiled. 

“When do we get to meet him?” Angelica asked.

“I don’t know, probably when summer starts. You know what? He doesn't have the best relationship with his family, so maybe he can stay with us for the summer.”

“Oh, that would be just fine!” Amy sounded excited. 

“Yeah, I really can’t wait until you come back to visit!” 

Alex scoffed. “You mean when Eliza comes to visit?”

“Well, you too though!” Angelica said.

Alex rolled his eyes and smiled. “Nice save.”

“I really do miss you, though.” Angelica said sincerely.

“I miss you too.” 

…

Jack scribbled at his desk. He wanted to draw something but just couldn’t find the inspiration. He sighed. The door to the room opened, but before he could ask who was out:

“You’re still here?” A harsh voice scoffed.

Jack turned, it was Alex. Or, well, Alex’s body. “Well, yeah?”

“Haven’t you figured it out yet?” Alex’s voice was cold and lifeless. “Alex is a freak.”

Ah. Jack realized: “Hey, Thomas.”

Thomas looked shocked. 

“I know about your DID.”

“I know that.” Thomas said rudely. “I don’t think you’re that dumb. Well, then again, maybe you are. You haven’t left yet. You should.”

“I’m not leaving.”

“Why not? Alex is a freak, he’s dangerous. He’s a liar. He’ll hurt you in the end, you know.”

“Why do you want me to leave?”

“I-I don’t care.” Thomas stuttered. “I’m just trying to warn you about Alex.”

“Why?”

Thomas’ hands balled up into fists. “Just stay away from him!” He shouted. 

“I don’t think this is about Alex.” Jack replied calmly.

“Yes it is!” Thomas yelled. “Everything is about Alex! And everyone thinks he’s so smart and strong and great and he isn't! He’s dangerous!”

“Why do you think that?”

“Because it’s true! He’s a freak! Can’t you tell? He’s got other people living in his head!”

“I don’t think he’s a freak.” Jack shrugged.

“You’re wrong.”

“Perhaps.” Jack replied. “But I might be right.”

Thomas grit his teeth staring at the floor.

“So, tell me about yourself, Thomas.”

“Who cares? I’m not the important one.”

“I think you’re important.”

Thomas’ eyes snapped up to look at Jack. He looked shocked.

Jack stared back, unblinking.

Thomas locked himself in the bathroom.

Jack started to panic. What should he do? There are razors in there! He didn’t want to bother Thomas in the event that he would make things worse, but he hated just standing around! He paced back and forth, unsure. Eventually the door opened up and Alex stepped out.

“It’s Alex. Who was just out?” He asked.

“Thomas.”

“Thomas?!” He shouted and checked his arms.

“I’m sorry, he locked himself in the bathroom and I didn’t know what to do.”

Alex sighed in relief when he didn’t see any cuts. “It’s best to let Thomas do his thing. You’re not a professional.”

“Okay good.” Jack sighed. “I was worried.”

“Wait, how did you know it was Thomas?”

“He asked me why I hadn’t left yet.”

“You talked with him? What else did he say?”

Jack shrugged. “Mostly just rude things about you and the system. Mostly asking why I stuck around now that I know. Nonsense, really.”

Alex didn’t reply. He stood there, fidgeting. “Why did you stay?” He mumbled.

Jack paused. “Why would I leave?”


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, here it is! Me trying to tackle the one thing,so far, that I had to be corrected on. Please tell if if anything is inaccurate! Thank you for reading!

TRIGGER WARNING - Trauma discussion, persecutors, reform, “Bad” alter, verbal abuse

“Let me through!” Laf shouted.

“No.” Aaron said sternly.

“Thomas should not be fronting! Not when we’re outside of Dr. Miranda’s office! And especially in PUBLIC!”

“Thomas can front whenever he wants to.”

Lafayette scoffed. “Thomas needs to be controlled!”

“He is in pain!” Aaron shouted.

“We all are!” Lafayette argued.

“Don’t you dare compare trauma.” Aaron said sternly.

“That isn’t an excuse!”

“Thomas needs time.”

“Thomas has had time.”

“Healing is a process, Laf.”

“He doesn't get to front.”

“He is an alter. Just like you.”

“No, he is a monster!”

“He is not!” Aaron shouted, hands forming fists.

Laf scoffed. “Once a persecutor, always a persecutor.” He spat.

Aaron gritted his teeth as he watched Laf walk away from the tent. As pissed as he was, he was glad he was able to stop Laf from getting into Thomas’ tent. It was the one place Thomas felt safe. 

Thomas wasn’t bad.

Aaron wasn’t bad.

No one is bad.

… 

“Do you have any idea what could have caused Thomas to front?” Alex asked.

Jack shook his head. “No, he was out when he came into the room.”

“Huh.”

“What should i do if that happens again?”

Alex sighed. “It’s best to let Thomas do his thing. If you can keep him talking, do it. But don’t worry about trying to control him. You can’t.”

Jack nodded. “Okay.”

“Do you remember anything else about your conversation?”

“I think he’s trying to push me away. He frames it like he’s warning me about you, but I think he’s worried about his own safety.”

“Why do you think that?”

“He’s protecting. Even if he refuses to see it.”

Alex nodded. “Yeah, that sounds right.” 

A pause.

“So, you’re still okay with dating me, right?”

“Of course.” Jack smiled.

Alex sighed in relief. “Good. Good, I get worried when it comes to Thomas and the littles.”

“I’ll admit, it’s kinda trippy to talk to you but it isn't you, you know? Not in a bad way or anything, but I am getting used to it.”

“Yeah, I guess that would be weird. I usually can see the others in the inner world so I guess it’s different for me.”

“What does everyone look like?”

Alex bit his lip.

“Sorry, is that not an okay question?”

“No it’s fine it’s just… Most of them don’t, uh, look like the body.”

Jack laughed slightly. “I’d imagine so.”

“No, I mean… They’re different, uh, races.”

“Ah, I’ve heard of that.”

“You have?” Alex looked surprised.

“Oh, sure. I know you can also have nonhuman alters like a fairy or a dog or something.”

Alex sighed in relief. “Oh, okay. Good. I know it can seem racist when I talk about the way the others look.”

“It’s not like you have control over it.” Jack shrugged. 

“Even then, people don’t like it.” Alex paused. “Thomas, Hercules, Aaron, Theodosa, Lafayette, and George are all… Dark skinned in the inner world? I guess that’s how I’d explain it. They’re not really “African” or “Black” or “African-American” because, you know, we’re Latinx but… They look that way.”

Jack nodded.

“Phillip and Eliza both are Latinx too, they took on the, uh, race of the body.” Alex continued. “Thomas and Laf have long hair, Aaron and George are both bald, Theodosa has long hair and it’s usually braided, Eliza has a long ponytail, and Phillip has long hair as well. They all have brown eyes. All of them, no one really knows why.”

Jack nodded again.

“They all only have one change of clothes, we think that’s because of the whole “in the past” thing. Eliza and Theodosa both wear dresses, Phillip has a pretty basic shirt and trousers, and all the others are wearing war uniforms. Well, except Thomas. He wears a purple suit.”

“Purple? Wasn’t that super rare back then?”

Alex nodded. “It’s not a perfect recreation of the past, but we think it’s because he views himself as important.”

“Ah.”

“Well, Aaron does have two sets of clothes. I think. Sometimes he’ll be in a nicer suit rather than a uniform. No one really knows why he gets extra clothes but the others don’t.”

“It sounds like a lot of the inner world is still a mystery.”

“Yeah, no one really fully understands it.” Alex agreed. “I hope you don’t think we’re… Racist because of this.”

“Of course not. You can’t control it.”

Alex sighed in relief. “Okay good.” he smiled.


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! As always, please tell me if anything is inaccurate.

TRIGGER WARNING - Panic attack, flashback, trauma, screaming, pain, persecutors

Jack blinked open his eyes. What was that noise? He looked around and spotted Alex sitting in the corner, breathing rapidly. “Alex?”

“I’m okay.” Alex replied quickly. He stopped to take in a few more of these hash, shallow breaths. “It’s just a panic attack.” He said. 

‘Just’? That sounded bad! “Do you need anything?”

“No.” Alex said. He took in more breaths then continued. “I just have to let it pass.” He breathed.

“Oh, okay.” Jack sat on the floor in front of Alex. “Is it okay if I stay here?”

“I-” He breathed. “I would like that.”

Jack smiled.

Alex suddenly flinched violently.

“Alex?”

“I- I-” He breathed. He then covered his head with his arms and started screaming. A heartbreaking, painfilled scream.

“Alex?”

Screaming. Screaming. Screaming.

“Alex?” Jack repeated, more panicked this time.

Crying. Alex started loudly crying. Screaming and crying, the most painful sounds that Jack had ever heard.

“Alex, breathe.” He said, hoping that was the right thing to do.

Alex pressed himself back against the wall, the screaming continued.

“Breathe with me.”

Alex peaked out from behind his arms. There was genuine terror in his eyes. He flinched again and hid behind his hands once more, screaming all the while.

This went on for thirty minutes.

Oddly for Jack, it didn’t seem that long. He was so panicked that it all seemed to flash by in a moment.

As Alex stopped screaming, his breathing evened out. He took in deep, calming breaths and whipped the tears off his face.

“I-” he swallowed, breathing heavy. “I’m sorry.”

“No, no.” Jack soothed. “Don’t be.”

“I thought,” he swallowed again. “I thought it was just a regular panic attack.”

“Regular?”

Alex nodded. “I get them sometimes. That.. That was a flashback.”

Jack looked on in shock.

“I couldn’t even tell what we were remembering.” Alex continued. “The body… It was remembering something. I don’t know what.”

“Is that… Normal?”

Alex nodded. “Trauma. Remember?”

“Oh, right.”

“Dr. Miranda says it’s good. We need to process the trauma but… I hate doing it.”

Jack nodded. “It seems awful.”

“It is.” Alex sniffled. “I’m sorry about that.”

“No, no. Don’t apologize.”

Alex smiled slightly. “Thanks.”

“Sometimes I forget that DID is… Trauma based.”

Alex nodded. “We function really well.”

“So, what should I do if this happens again?”

“Are you familiar with grounding?”

“Somewhat.”

“Well, if I’m having a panic attack, there’s a box under my bed filled with stuff. If that doesn’t work and I go into a flashback, well, actually you did pretty well.”

“I did?”

Alex nodded. “Saying ‘breathe with me’ and counting and things like that can help a lot.”

“Okay. Yeah, I can do that.”

“Thank you, Jack.”

“Of course.”

…

“Hey.” 

Jack looked up. “Aaron?”

Aaron smiled. “You’re getting good.” He sat at the table with Jack.

“Yeah, I’m not surprised to see you.”

“Because of the…”

“Yeah.” Jack agreed. “I figured you would need an emotional break.”

“I hear you, Alex, and Herc are together.”

Jack nodded. “We are.”

“I’m glad they found someone. They both need a relationship.”

“And you don’t?”

Aaron shook his head. “I’m Aromantic.”

“Ah.”

“I quite like it. I hear the others complaining about their loneliness when they’re not in a relationship. I’m glad I don’t have to deal with that.”

“I suppose it would have it’s perks.”

Aaron nodded. “And besides, I have friends… Well, friend.”

“Thomas?”

“Yeah. I’m not very social as it is.”

“Is Thomas doing okay?”

“He’s fine.” Aaron shrugged. “Were you there when he fronted the other day?” He asked, pretending that he wasn’t watching the entire time.

Jack nodded.

“I hope he wasn’t too… Much.”

“No, he was fine.”

“Good. I know that it can be hard to deal with persecutors as someone who, you know, isn’t one.”

“Do the others treat you okay?”

Aaron sighed. “It doesn't matter.”

“It does matter. But, if that’s your way of telling me you don’t want to talk about it; I won’t push it.”

Aaron smiled.


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading and for your feedback! 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING- vague discussion of trauma

“I was thinking-”

“You do that a lot.”

Alex rolled his eyes. “I was thinking, since you don’t have… The best relationship with your family, maybe you could stay with my family for the summer.”

Jack perked up. “Really?”

Alex nodded.

“Your family is fine with that?”

“Sure. They love to help.”

“That sounds great!”

Alex smiled. “Fair warning, though. Eliza will front a lot around Angelica. They're very close.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t mind.”

“She rarely fronts otherwise.”

“I figured as much. It’s been a while since I talked with her.”

Alex nodded. “I know you’re gay but… Do you think you would be willing to date Eliza? In a romantic sense?”

Jack paused. “I never really thought about it before.” He confessed. “I guess the romantic attraction isn’t really what makes me gay, personally. I’d be willing to try.”

Alex smiled. “Thank you.”

…

Jack had hardly walked into the dorm when he was hugged. “Oh, hey.” He laughed as he hugged back. “Eliza?”

Eliza squeezed him harder. “Yes!” She let him go. “It’s good to see you again!”

“You too, Eliza.” Jack smiled.

“And I hear that you’re dating Alex now.”

Jack nodded. “And Hercules.”

“So, would you, uh,” Eliza blushed. “Be willing to date me too…? I know that I’m a girl but…”

“Sure I would.” Jack smiled.

Eliza squealed and hugged him again. She paused and looked around the room.

“What?” Jack asked.

“You guys don’t have a couch.”

“It’s... a dorm?” 

“Oh!” She said and grabbed his hand. She led him into the bedroom and grabbed Alex’s laptop. She sat on the bed and leaned against the wall. She put the laptop on her legs and patted the spot next to her.

Jack shrugged. He sat next to her. 

She pulled up some movie and leaned on him. “I’m a cuddler.” She said simply.

“Oh, okay.” Jack blushed. He wrapped an arm around her waist. He usually was the one snuggled into another person’s chest, but this was surprisingly nice. 

…

“So does Angelica still live with your parents?”

Alex nodded. “She goes to a college much closer to them than this one.”

“Ah.”

“But yeah, that’s the whole family. Amy, David, Angelica, and me.”

“Is Angelica adopted too?”

“Yeah, she’s from Ethiopia I think.”

“Oh, that’s neat.”

“Yeah. She remembers it and everything. She’s really grateful to be here. We both are.”

“I imagine so.” Jack agreed. “Does it bother you that you don’t remember so much of your childhood?”

“Not really.” Alex confessed. “It bothers me more that I was… Treated the way I was.”

“Ah, right. Sorry.” Jack said sheepishly.

Alex nodded. “It’s fine, I know it’s easy to forget.”

“I’m really sorry you had to go through that.”

Alex shrugged. “It’s fine. There’s nothing to be done about it.”

“I guess that’s one way to look at it.”

“Honestly, it’s the only way to look at it. Otherwise, well, it’s looking at this awful stuff that was done to a child and… No one wants to do that.”

“Grant it, I’ve never been through anything remotely close to what you have, but, I like to look at my struggles as part of what makes me who I am today.”

Alex nodded. “That’s a good way to put it.”


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading and for all your feedback! I would love to hear your thoughts on this chapter.

TRIGGER WARNING - dysphoria, mild homophobia mention

Eliza hummed as she dusted the room.

“Can I… Ask you something really personal? That you don’t have to answer?”

“Sure.” Eliza smiled.

“Do you have gender dysphoria?”

Eliza stopped dusting. “Yes.” She confessed.

“Is that why you rarely come out?”

“No, that’s because I take care of the littles.” Eliza paused. “But I guess that’s why I don’t usually stay out for long.”

Jack nodded. “Do you consider yourself trans?”

“I mean… Yes but also no? In the inner world I’m cis but then out here…”

“That kinda sounds like being trans.”

“It does, doesn't it?”

“I mean, you can identify however you want.” Jack shrugged.

“I guess I am trans then. Because… Well, then again I’m not in the inner world so…” Eliza paused, then giggled. “I guess I never really thought about it before.”

Jack giggled back. “I didn’t mean to cause you a crisis.”

“It’s fine.” Eliza shrugged. 

“So do you hold trauma?”

Eliza shook her head. “I was created to care for the system, not to hold trauma.”

“That makes sense.” Jack nodded. “When I… ran away, did Alex stay with you in the inner world?”

Eliza nodded solemnly. 

“I’m glad that he had you.”

Eliza smiled. “I’m glad too.”

“Did I ever apologize to you?” 

“For what?”

“For how I reacted?”

Eliza paused in thought. “I don’t think so.”

“Well, I’m sorry for running away.”

Eliza smiled softly. “All is forgiven.”

…

“Hello, Jack.”

“Ah, hey Laf. Long time no see.” Jack greeted.

“So, uh, I’m dating Alex, Eliza and Hercules now.”

Laf nodded. “So I’ve heard.”

“Oh, yeah. I just wanted to make sure you knew! Heh.” Jack said awkwardly.

“I don’t want to date you.”

Jack sighed. “Fair enough.”

“It’s the accent, right? The reason you want to date me?”

Jack blushed. “Well, I’m dating the others so, uh-”

Laf raised an eyebrow.

Jack sighed. “You caught me.”

Laf chuckled. “I thought as much.”

“Is there anything else you’re willing to tell me about yourself?”

Laf paused. “No, not yet.”

Jack nodded. “I can respect that.”

…

Alex flopped down on his bed. 

“Tough day?” Jack asked, turning in his chair to face him.

Alex groaned. “Yeah, but at least finals are almost done. How are you not exhausted?”

Jack shrugged. “I usually crash after finals.”

“Ah.”

“So, uh, is that offer to stay with your family for the summer still up?”

“Of course.”

Jack let out a breath. “Good.”

“Did something happen?”

Jack shook his head. “No, I just… I don’t really want to go home.”

“Ah.”

“Now that I’m away from them I see how toxic they were. People here are so nice and accepting! I saw a gay couple walking together down the street and no one harassed them!”

“That’s… pretty basic.”

“I know but.. Where I’m from they probably would have gotten at least one comment walking through a crowd like that.”

“Wow.”

“Right?” Jack sighed dreamily. “I would love to be able to go on a real date some day.”

“You’ve never been on one?”

“Well, only in secret.”

“Ah.”

“But I don’t have to do that here!”

“You might still get harassed.”

“I know, but it’ll be less than at home.”

“That’s fair.” Alex shrugged. “It really sucks that people are like that.”

“Yeah.” Jack sighed. “But hey, we’re happy.”

Alex nodded. “We’re happy.”


End file.
